


Sophomore Slump

by fanfic814



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Anxiety Disorder, Anxious Castiel, Big Brother Gabriel, Blow Jobs, Bottom Castiel, College Student Castiel, College Student Dean, Cute Castiel/Dean Winchester, Fluff, Fluffy Ending, Glory Hole, Jock Dean, Light Angst, M/M, Shy Castiel, Social Anxiety, Top Dean, Virgin Castiel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-11
Updated: 2015-12-02
Packaged: 2018-05-01 02:58:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 23,996
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5189516
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fanfic814/pseuds/fanfic814
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sophomore Castiel Novak is pretty sure college can't get much worse.  He has crippling social anxiety, only one good friend, and to top it off, he's still a damn virgin. </p><p>Everyone knows there's a glory hole in the back of the club in town.  Shy little Cas musters up the courage to go back there one day, convinced that maybe he could practice his blowjob skills.  You know, just in case he ever happens to find a partner.  He just didn't expect to blow tough jock Dean Winchester...</p><p>(Inspired by a Supernatural Kink Community prompt from Nov '15.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Castiel Novak hated parties.  Yet here he was, sitting on the couch at his best friend Charlie's sorority house being roped into playing Truth or Dare.  He'd been trying so hard to make himself invisible, but of course Charlie wouldn't let him hide all night. She was always trying to get him to do things that made him uncomfortable, mostly because  _everything_  made him uncomfortable.  It didn't seem to matter how many times he tried to explain his severe social anxiety, Charlie was hellbent on making sure he didn't miss out on the college experience.

It didn't help that Charlie was popular.  She was one of those people who could flit back and forth between social groups and fit into them all.  Castiel, on the other hand, was kind of a loner. Aside from Charlie, he didn't have friends, he had acquaintances.  Sure, he talked to people sometimes, but mostly he was just going through the motions.  School was for learning anyway, he assured himself.  He could often be found with his nose buried in a book, studying for the next test, or just hanging out at the library while most of the other students were out partying and socializing.

Cas glanced around nervously, nursing the same beer that Charlie had handed him when he walked in.  He really hated the taste, and now that it was warm it was even more disgusting, but he kept sipping occasionally to avoid conversations with strangers.

"Cas, truth or dare?" Meg asked mischievously. Meg Masters was one of Charlie's good friends.  She was in his organic chemistry class, and while he liked her well enough, she tended to be a bit  _forward_  for his taste.    
  
Cas took a deep breath and sighed.   Everyone knew that Meg's 'truth' questions were even more brutal than her 'dares', and he really didn't want to talk about his sexual experience, which was non-existent.  
  
"Dare."   
  
"Hmm," Meg pondered. "I dare you to make out with me," she teased.  She was well aware of how painfully shy Castiel was, and she loved nothing more than getting him all embarrassed.   
  
"Meg!" Charlie protested.   
  
"You rather take a 'truth', Cas?" Meg asked, batting her lashes at him.   
  
"N... no," Cas stuttered. "I'm fine."  
  
Meg shot him a salacious grin and stood, striding over to the couch where he was sitting.  She placed a knee on either side of his hips and lowered herself into his lap. Cas assumed the look on his face displayed absolute terror, because Meg suddenly leaned over and whispered in his ear.   
  
"Don't worry, baby, I'll take the lead here."  And then her lips were on his, working his mouth gently open with her tongue.  Her fingertips raked through the hair at the nape of his neck, and despite his best intentions, he moaned into the kiss, which only urged her on.  He could hear a few of his classmates making lewd noises and cheering and he could feel his face burning cherry red.  After what felt like hours, she finally pulled back and smiled, giving him a little peck on the forehead before strolling back to her chair.   
  
"Whooo-hoo!" Charlie hooted.  "Go Cas!"  
  
Cas smiled shyly as he tried to catch his breath.  His heart was still pounding in his chest and he felt a bit like he might have a panic attack.  He sat there stiffly until the crowd became engrossed in someone else's dare, then quickly slipped off to hide in the bathroom.   
  
"Oh shit, oh shit," he mumbled as he paced back in forth in front of the mirror. His breathing was becoming rapid and shallow and he suddenly felt a little lightheaded, so he sat down on the floor in front of the tub, leaning his head against it for support.  He closed his eyes and focused on his breathing,   _Breathe in, hold, breathe out.  Breathe in, hold, breathe out._  He reached in his pocket for his house key and the little pill container keychain, and tapped a Xanax into his palm, then crawled over to the sink for a handful of water to take it with.  Crashing back down on the floor, he closed his eyes again and continued his breathing until the erratic heartbeat, chest pain, and nausea in the pit of his stomach subsided.    
  
A knock on the door suddenly made him jump, whacking his head on the side of the tub in the process.   
  
"Cas, you okay?"  Charlie's voice rang out.   
  
"Yeah... I guess."  He stood and grabbed a hand towel from the cupboard and wet it, and went about wiping his face and neck.  Panic attacks always made him sweat profusely and now he felt disgusting.    
  
"Can I come in?" Charlie asked softly.   
  
"Sure."  Cas unlocked the door and Charlie stepped in, shutting the door behind her.  "Aw, sweetie," she said sympathetically.  "Panic attack?"  
  
Cas nodded.  
  
"I'm sorry," she said.  "Who roped you into playing anyway?  I thought it was weird that you joined in."  
  
"I don't know, a few people," he said dismissively. "It's not a big deal."  
  
She smiled sadly.  "Okay, Cas.  Hey, why didn't you pick 'truth', anyway?"  
  
Cas snorted.  "Because it was Meg.  You know all her questions are sex-related. And I'm a horrible liar. I really don't want the rest of our class knowing about my non-existent sex life.  We're sophomores now.  Seems kind of pathetic, don't you think?"  
  
Charlie shook her head.  "It's not pathetic, Cas.  So you haven't found the right guy yet.   And I'm really sorry, sweetie... I'd take you home, but I can't leave since I'm hosting.  You're welcome to go hide in my bedroom for now if you want.  Lock the door, watch TV... And I can take you home as soon as people leave."  
  
"It's okay.  I think I'll call Gabriel and see if he can pick me up.  I don't feel like taking the bus home."  
  
"Alright.  C'mon, I'll sit on the porch with you 'til he gets here."  
  
They sat in relative silence as Cas closed his eyes and leaned on Charlie's shoulder while she rubbed his back soothingly.  Gabriel's black Camaro pulled into the driveway within minutes and Cas let out a sigh of relief as Gabe motioned him toward the car.    
  
"You sure you're going to be okay?" Charlie asked as he stood.    
  
Cas nodded.  "Yeah.  I'm just physically and mentally drained right now.  I'll call you tomorrow," he said as he gave her a quick hug, then he turned and sprinted to the car.   
  
In times like this, Cas was glad he chose not to live on campus.  He couldn't wait to get back to the tiny bungalow he and his brother shared, away from all the people.   
  
Gabriel nodded at him as he opened the door.  "So what happened, little bro?"  
  
Cas shrugged and fastened his seatbelt.  "Drive," he commanded.  He waited until Gabe was on the main road before he started talking.  "I don't know what happened.  You know how I am with groups of people. I locked myself in the bathroom, had a panic attack, then I called you.  Did I mention I hate parties?"  
  
"Many times," Gabe answered.  "I was surprised when you said you were going."  
  
"Yeah, well next time stop me."  
  
Gabriel laughed.  "You remember you said that. And do I smell alcohol on you?"  
  
Cas sighed.  "Yes.  It was just one!  I drank about half a glass throughout the entire night."  
  
"Serious?"  
  
Cas nodded.   
  
"Alright.  You're a sophomore in college, Cas. I know what goes on in college dorms.  Just don't be stupid about it, okay?  And know that you can always call me," Gabe said as he glanced over at him.   
  
"I know, Gabe.  I swear, it was only that one and I didn't even finish it."  
  
"I believe you, Cassie. So are you okay then?  Feeling better now?"  
  
"Yeah," Cas nodded.  "I just want to hang out in my room and read 'til I fall asleep.  Way too overstimulated today."  
  
"Alright, bro," Gabe said as he pulled into their driveway.  "You rest up.  We'll go to that diner you like for breakfast, 'kay?"  
  
"Sure.  Thanks, Gabe,"  
  
"No worries, Cas.  That's what brothers are for."  


	2. Chapter 2

For Cas, the worst part about going out was the possibility of running into someone he knew. He hated running into casual acquaintances because he never really knew what to say to them.  Conversation seemed to come so easily to them, while he barely managed to squeak out a 'hi' before staring awkwardly at the ground.  Today was no exception.  Within minutes, he had run into two fellow classmates already, fumbling some clumsy 'hellos' before slinking off to the furthest table he could find.  It was one unfortunate side-effect of living close to campus.   
  
"She was hot,"  Gabriel observed as the petite blonde girl walked away.  "Who is she?"   
  
"Jo Harvelle. She's in my English Lit Class."

"She single?"  
  
"Gross, Gabe!  What is your obsession with college girls anyway?  You're like thirty-two!"  Cas groaned.   
  
"Do I  _really_  need to explain that to you, Cassie?"  Gabriel asked with a cocky grin. "So what are you ordering?  Lemme guess. The usual?  Western omelette, bacon, toast, and coffee, black," he recited from memory.   
  
Cas neatly folded his menu and placed it on the edge of the table.  "Of course.  You?"  
  
"I'm thinking the 'Biggie Breakfast'.  And a side of strawberry pancakes with whipped cream.  Oh!  And one of those big-ass banana chocolate chip muffins to go."  
  
Cas shook his head.  "Where the hell do you  _put_  all this food?  You have the metabolism of a damn bird."  
  
Gabe just shrugged and grinned.    
  
They ate quietly when their food arrived, mostly because Gabriel was pretty damn serious about food and Cas wasn't about to interrupt him while he was busy stuffing his face.  Just as Gabriel was about to start in on his pancakes, he nudged Cas's leg with his foot.    
  
"Hey," he said quietly.  "Hottie alert at three o'clock."  
  
Cas snorted.  "Gabe, no one says 'hottie' anymore."  
  
"Well I'm bringin' it back.  Just shut up and look."  
  
Cas glanced nonchalantly with his peripheral vision.  "Oh.  That's Dean Winchester.  He's quarterback for our football team.  Yeah, he's not bad to look at but he's bad news."  
  
"How so?"  
  
"I dunno.  Rumor is he got kicked out of his last school for beating the shit out of some guy. Plus he's kind of a player."  
  
"Hrmm.  Shame, Cassie. You two would look cute together."  
  
Cas rolled his eyes.  "Not interested.  And did I mention he's straight?"  
  
"Damn.  I keep tryin' to get you laid, Cas."  
  
Cas sighed.  "Well stop it.  I'm perfectly fine on my own."  
  
Gabriel nodded.  "I know you are.  You know i just worry about you sometimes.  Holed up in your bedroom with your nose in a book...  I know things aren't easy for you, but I also don't want you to miss out."  
  
Cas picked at his omelette in silence.  Truth be told, he kind of hated missing out on things too, but the anxiety was so bad sometimes, it just wasn't worth it.  
  
"Hey, how about that guy?" Gabe pointed.    
  
"Ugh.  No.  I think his name's Benny?  Anyway, he's gross.  He's like that one weird frat guy who will do anything for five bucks.  And he's a serious alcoholic."  
  
"Alright.  I give up," he conceded, sensing Cas's discomfort.  "How's Charlie doing anyway?" he asked.  
  
Cas shoveled a bite of egg into his mouth, thankful for the change of subject.  He chewed much longer than necessary as he tried to clear his head.  "She's fine.  I should call her later.  I feel bad about leaving early last night."  
  
"I'm sure she understands."  
  
"Yeah I know.  I still feel bad," Cas sighed.    
  
Just then, Dean Winchester and the tall, floppy-haired kid he'd come in with walked past their table on their way to the door, and Cas's eyes couldn't help but follow.   
  
"Not interested, huh?" Gabe laughed.    
  
"Nope," Cas said resolutely.  "He  _is_  nice to look at though."  
  
::::::::::::::::::::  
  
Back in the quiet solitude of his bedroom, Cas finally set down his worn copy of 'To Kill a Mockingbird' and stretched.  He knew he probably should have been studying, but he was far too wrapped up in the idea of a lazy weekend for a change, and he'd convinced himself that he needed time to recover. Thankfully, Gabriel always left him alone when he needed time to himself.  He'd raised Cas from the day he turned eighteen, so he was pretty intuitive by now.  
  
After taking a long, hot shower, he returned to his bedroom, picking up his phone as he towel-dried his hair.    
  
"Hey Charlie,"  
  
"Cas?  How are you feeling today?  Any better?"  
  
"Yeah, just relaxing today.  How was the party after I left?"  
  
"Oh you know.  I got wasted and wound up making out with Anna Milton most of the night," she admitted sheepishly.   
  
"Anna Milton?  Seriously?  I thought she was dating Kevin Tran?"  
  
"Yeah.  She is.  Uh.  Whoops?"   
  
Cas laughed.  "Hey, do you want to come over?   Maybe have a movie night or something?  I mean, I'd like to hang out , I just don't know if I can deal with a lot of people at the moment."  
  
"Yeah, I'd love to.  I could use a quiet night after all of that. Let's have a Harry Potter marathon!  Can I crash at your place?  We can order pizza and make popcorn and oh, I'll bring board games!"    
  
Cas smiled at her enthusiasm.  Charlie had always been easily excitable, which was one of many endearing things about her.  "Sounds good.  I'll see you soon."  
  
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::  
  
Mid-way into  _Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets_ , Charlie slumped down into Cas's shoulder and Cas wrapped his arm around her.  He would never understand how hanging with Charlie was so effortlessly easy, even when they were close like this.  Of course, there were no expectations with Charlie either.  Since neither of them were romantically interested in members of the opposite sex, interactions like this were simple, even sibling-like at times.  These simple gestures were a huge comfort to Cas, whose nervous nature didn't allow a lot of hands-on contact with people.    
  
Gabe knocked briefly before sticking his head in the door.  "Your pizza's here... awww.  It's too damn bad you're both... you know."  
  
"We're both  _what_?" Charlie asked, raising an eyebrow playfully.   
  
" _You_  know.  You're anti-cock, he's pro-," Gabe grinned. "Just sayin' it's a damn shame because the two of you are so adorable my head might explode."  
  
Cas rolled his eyes and pushed past him.  "You're such a dork.  And if you were straight, he'd be hitting on you," he nodded to Charlie.    
  
"Me?"  Gabriel feigned innocence.  "Come on, Cassie!  Do you really think I'd..."  
  
"Oh please, you've hit on me before," Charlie laughed.  "You're lucky you're cute."  She patted him on the cheek as she followed Cas to the kitchen. "Come get some pizza," she called over her shoulder.  
  
  
With their pizza in hand, they retreated back to Cas's bedroom, closing the door behind them.  "Your brother's a riot," Charlie said as she crawled up on bed and crossed her legs, balancing her pizza in her lap.    
  
"Mmmhmm," Cas said as he took a too-big bite of gooey cheese.  "Wish I could tell you that whole thing was an act, but he's really like that," he mumbled.  "Flirts with anything that moves.  He's a real-life Captain Jack Harkness."  
  
Charlie laughed again. "He's cute though.  And he's a good guy."  
  
"Yeah, he is," Cas agreed. "Except he's always trying to hook me up or get me laid.  Drives me nuts.  We went to breakfast this morning and he was pointing people out left and right."  
  
"Aww.  He means well.  He probably just worries about you, you know."  
  
"I know he does.  But let's face it, Charlie.  I'm a hopeless case at this point.  I can barely  _talk_  to a cute guy nevermind have a relationship with him.  And sex, well that's damn near impossible since I generally don't like people touching me."  
  
Charlie chewed her pizza thoughtfully. "Do you  _want_  a relationship, Cas?  Or hell, even to get laid?"  
  
Cas burst out laughing.  "Of course I  _want_  a relationship.  I just don't see it happening.  And who  _doesn't_  want to get laid?  But seriously, I'm nineteen years old and I wouldn't know what to do with a dick if I had one in front of me!"  
  
Now it was Charlie's turn to burst into hysterical laughter.   
  
"Shit," Cas laughed.  "You know what I mean!"  
  
"Sorry," Charlie wheezed.  "I'm sorry, I didn't meant to laugh there.  The 'dick' thing.  Oh god..."  She took a few minutes to calm her breathing.  "Phew.  Okay.  Sorry. That was a serious conversation though.  So you  _do_  want a relationship, but you have a hard time talking to guys, hard time being intimate, inexperienced in the sexing department... Cas, there's got to be a middle ground here.  You can't just shut yourself down from everything you want."  
  
"Well it's a nice thought, but it's easier said than done."  
  
"I know, sweetie. But maybe we can work you up to it.  Come out with me and a few friends. Just practice talking to a few guys. Maybe we can work up to some casual touching."   
  
"I don't know, Charlie..."  
  
"I promise I'll take you home as soon as you start feeling uncomfortable."  
  
Cas sighed.  He didn't really think this would do any good, but Charlie looked so hopeful and he suddenly felt like he couldn't let her down.  "Alright. I guess so."  
  
Charlie grinned and tossed aside her plate.  "That's my boy!" she said as she snuggled back into his shoulder and wrapped an arm around him.  "Hey, why doesn't _this_ freak you out?" she asked suddenly.   
  
"I have no idea. I guess because you're my friend and I trust you.  And also, there's no anxiety about you trying anything dirty," he laughed.   
  
Charlie laughed.  "That's true I guess. Aw, Cas.  We're gonna figure this out, okay?" she said, squeezing him a little tighter.  
  
Cas nodded, unconvinced.  "Okay, Charlie."


	3. Chapter 3

All Cas wanted to do was go home and curl up in his bed with a good book, but he'd promised Charlie that he'd at least _try_ to be social tonight.  Charlie had chosen a restaurant on the edge of campus.  She'd invited Meg and this guy Garth, who was in their psych class.  Garth seemed like a nice enough guy.  He was lanky and awkward, but he managed to hold his own in conversation.

Meg invited some guy named Cole, who Cas only recognized because he was on the school's football team.  Cole was a bit more intimidating in that he was the perfectly stereotypical jock - muscular and handsome, incredibly egotistical, and he was a loud talker with a short fuse.  He also had a reputation for making virgin girls his conquest, and everything about him pretty much left a bad taste in Cas's mouth.  Cas tried his best to ignore him and he was pretty sure Charlie wouldn't fault him for it since she wasn't paying much attention to him either.

"So Cas," Garth asked politely.  "Have you decided what you're going to major in?"

Charlie gave his knee a gentle nudge.  "Um.  To be honest I'm not quite decided yet," he stammered.  "I've, um... I've been seriously considering Library Science lately, but I'm not sure."

Garth nodded.  "That's cool.  So like a librarian?"

"Yeah.  Maybe a reference librarian.  I like research and reading... I don't know."

Charlie squeezed his knee under the table and gave him a huge grin.

"Um..." Cas paused.  "How about you?"

"History, I think.  I'd like to teach one day and I love history, so I think it'd be a good fit," Garth shrugged.

Cas nodded.  This was the part he hated - when the conversation died down and it was time to talk about something else.  The only thing he had in his arsenal was the tired 'how 'bout that weather' cliche. Thankfully Charlie stepped in and saved him by pointing across the booth at Meg and Cole who were now lip-locked.

"Ewww!" she mouthed.  Cas ducked his head, trying not to laugh, while Garth just flushed a bright shade of red.   "So Garth here is also in Photography Club with me.  You should join, Cas!  You're good with a camera already!"

"Eh, I don't know, Charlie," Cas said.  "I'm not really a 'club' kinda guy."  After all, clubs had more people, and people required socializing.

"It's really fun," Garth said.  "It's pretty laid-back  We have an advisor that gives a little lesson each week, then we pick a subject or style and compare our work.  You don't really have to discuss if you don't want. Or you know, if you want to share something, you're welcome to do that too."

Nope.  Still more people than he wanted to deal with, but he gave a polite, "Let me think about it," anyway, which made both Charlie and Garth smile.

Just then their waitress came by with their food, forcing Meg and Cole to knock it off already.  It was a small thing to be thankful for.  Cas didn't think he could bear watching them make out while he was trying to eat.

Cas bit into his burger, anxious to have a reason not to talk.  So far, the night had gone pretty well.  It was early, but Cas was ready to pat himself on the back for a job well done.  Unfortunately the night wasn't over yet.  Just as the waitress dropped their bills on the table, a slender sandy-brown haired man slid into the booth next to Cas.  

"Charlie, darling!  How have you been?" he asked in a lilting European accent.   
  
"Oh.  Hey, Balthazar.  I'm uh... I'm fine.  How about you?" Charlie said tentatively.  
  
"Lovely, as always.  You  _have_  to introduce me to your gorgeous friend here,"  he purred as he looked Cas up and down.   
  
Charlie shot Cas a quick 'sorry' look before she spoke.  "Cas, this is Balthazar.  Balthazar, Cas."  
  
"Um.  Hi," Cas squeaked.   
  
"Are you blushing?  Oh sweetheart, aren't you just the cutest?  So tell me about yourself, Cas," Balthazar said, casually placing a hand on his knee.  "Why haven't I seen you around before?"  
  
Cas wasn't quite sure what it was about Balthazar that was making him so nervous.  Maybe it was because he was so outgoing and forward, or maybe Cas just didn't like the way he was eyeing him like he was some sort of decadent dessert. Either way, he suddenly felt like he couldn't speak.  All he wanted to do was excuse himself and run to the bathroom or something, but he was trapped between Charlie and Balthazar.    
  
Charlie squeezed his elbow gently and Cas took a deep breath.  "I don't know. I don't get out much."  
  
Balthazar nodded.  "I see.  Well you should definitely get out more.  Say Friday night?  You, me, Euphoria?"  
  
Euphoria was a dance club downtown that was known for being a bit seedy.  It was a few miles off campus but it was still known as a popular college hangout. Cas had never been to a dance club in his life, and frankly the thought terrified him.  Loud music, bright, pulsating lights, crowds of people dancing shoulder-to-shoulder, drunk college kids hitting on him... it all sounded horribly overwhelming.   
  
"Um..." Cas fumbled.  "Thank you but I um...  I..."  
  
"Cas is seeing someone," Charlie interrupted.    
  
"Yeah," Cas agreed.  "I'm seeing somebody.  Thanks though."  
  
The smile left Balthazar's face but he recovered quickly.  "Hmm.  Well, you know, if your man isn't curling your toes every night, I'm always up for a night of fun at least," he winked.  "Look me up if you change your mind."  He waved a brief goodbye to Charlie and sauntered away.   
  
Cas glanced around the table  - Garth was slumped down in his chair, suddenly looking bored out of his mind. Meg and Cole were going at it again, and Charlie had slipped her arm around him, rubbing his back softly.    
  
"You wanna go?" she asked quietly.   
  
Cas nodded.  
  
"Well, I hate to break up the party here, but I think Cas and I are gonna get going," Charlie announced.  "I'm getting pretty tired."  
  
Garth nodded.  "Yeah I'm going to head out too.  Nice seeing you, Charlie.  Nice meeting you officially, Cas.  Think about photography club!"  
  
Charlie glanced over at Cole and Meg, who were totally oblivious to the entire conversation, so she shrugged and grabbed Cas's arm and walked him out to the car.   
  
"You okay?" she asked once the doors had closed.   
  
"Yeah," Cas choked.  "I..." he paused as he felt his heart skip a beat then speed up a bit.  "Shit.  Maybe not," he sighed.  He leaned his head back against the car seat and focused on his breathing.    
  
"I have a bottle of water in the trunk if you need to take something," Charlie said.   
  
Cas nodded breathlessly.  "Please."  He reached into his pocket for his pill keychain and fished out a Xanax as Charlie grabbed the bottle.  He popped the pill and guzzled the water down quickly, then lay his head back and closed his eyes.    
  
Charlie sat there silently, placing a reassuring hand on his thigh as he took some deep breaths.  When the attack had finally passed, he sighed heavily.    
  
"This isn't gonna work, Charlie," he lamented. "How am I supposed to meet anyone when I have a damn panic attack whenever anyone asks me out?"  
  
"Well to be fair, it was _Balthazar_.  Sorry about him, by the way.  He's in the LGBTQ Alliance group with me.  I knew as soon as I saw him coming, he'd be hitting on you. He comes on a little strong."  
  
"He had his hand on my knee!" Cas exclaimed.   
  
"Ugh.  I'm sorry, Cas."  
  
"I think I'm destined to be alone," he sighed.  "Charlie, the thought of... being intimate with anyone freaks me out.  I really wouldn't even know what to do."  
  
"If we were straight and in a rom-com, this is the part where we'd get drunk and fuck each other for practice," Charlie joked.   
  
Cas smiled.  "Yeah.  Too bad that's not gonna work out."  
  
"I mean, I have...  _equipment_  I could use on you, but that would be totally weird."  
  
"Totally," Cas laughed. "I think I'm stuck practicing on my fist. Not that I have anything to practice  _for_."  
  
"Aw, sweetie.  When the time is right, you'll figure it out."  
  
Cas sighed and nodded, not believing a word of it.


	4. Chapter 4

"So Garth is nice, huh?  You guys seemed to hit it off."

Cas sighed into the phone as he crashed down onto his bed.  He already knew where this conversation was going. "Yeah, he was nice," he said noncommittally.

"You think you might be interested?" Charlie asked coyly.

"Umm.  No, not really. He seems like a nice guy, he's just not my type."

"What are you talking about?  He's  _totally_  your type!  You guys are so much alike!  Kinda quiet, bookish, super-sweet..."

Cas shifted anxiously on his bed and swapped his phone to the other ear.  "Yeah I know.  I guess I'm just an 'opposites attract' kind of guy."

"Oh no.  Cas, you're not into  _bad boys_  are you?" she teased.

Cas could feel himself blushing.  "No, I just... I need someone who can challenge me once in a while, you know?  I mean, a guy like Garth, we'd both be in our own little world, never leaving the house, staying in on weekends and reading in bed.  And I like doing that stuff, but I want... I need... more."

Charlie hummed into the phone.  "Have I ever told you you're my hero, Cas?"

Cas burst into laughter.  "What?"

"Seriously.  I know this stuff is hard for you, but you just keep trying.  Even when it scares the shit out of you, you keep trying to better yourself."

Cas was quiet for a moment, taken aback by the complement.  "Well, I don't feel like I succeed too often."

"But you do.  A little at a time.  You know what we should do?  Balthazar reminded me earlier.  We should go dancing!  It'd be like... what do they call it?  Immersion therapy!  Jump in feet first  And if it gets too bad, we'll just leave!"  
  
"Ugh. Charlie, I had a hard enough time at dinner the other night."  
  
"I know, sweetie, but you did so well!  Just sayin', an awful lot of cute guys hang out there... "  
  
Cas laughed.  "Yeah, yeah.  I'll think about it."  
  
"That's all I ask.  Well hey, I need to get going.  I've got class in a few.  Talk soon, 'kay?"  
  
"Okay.  See ya, Charlie."  
  
  
Cas hung up the phone and strolled to the kitchen where Gabriel was cooking something that smelled of tomatoes and basil and garlic.   He was singing while he worked, the same chorus over and over from some cheesy 80's song that Cas barely remembered.   
  
"Oh!  Hey, Cassie," Gabe startled.  "Didn't see you there. You hungry?"  
  
Cas nodded.  Even if he weren't hungry, Cas would have eaten.  Gabriel was a pastry chef at a fancy restaurant downtown, but he also picked up some overtime working in the kitchen where he'd been honing his cooking skills.  He was good - Cas thought he could be head chef by now, but Gabe had a passion for all things sweet and sugary, and he preferred baking.  Dinner, of course, was never complete without dessert when Gabe was around too, and Cas thought himself pleasantly spoiled.   
  
"Have a seat," Gabe said as he plated up spaghetti and meatballs with a chunk of crusty garlic bread on the side for each of them.   
  
"Thanks, this smells awesome."  
  
"I made enough so you can have leftovers tomorrow.  I'm working a double."  
  
Cas nodded, feeling a bit guilty.  Gabe was always picking up extra shifts to support them and to help pay for Cas's tuition. Despite Gabe's protests, Cas had recently applied for a part-time job working fifteen hours a week at the student book store.  It was going to be hard on his anxiety, but he was determined to do  _something_  to help out, even if most of his time was dedicated to school and studying.    
  
"Don't make that face," Gabriel sighed. "We've been over this, Cas.  Your job is to go to school and study.  As your life-long legal guardian, my job is to help you do that..  Besides, you know I love my work, right?"  
  
"I know."  
  
"So knock it off already."  
  
Cas sighed and picked at his spaghetti.   
  
"So, have any plans for the weekend?" Gabe asked, quickly changing the subject.   
  
"I don't know.  Charlie wants to go to some club downtown this weekend."  
  
"You gonna go?" Gabe asked around a huge mouthful of spaghetti.  
  
"Probably not.  Not really my thing."  
  
Gabe nodded.  "Well if you do, you can take my car.  I can bus to work, no big deal.  That way you can leave whenever you feel like it."  
  
Cas smiled faintly.   He didn't have his driver's license yet, but Gabe had taught him enough that he could drive himself the three miles home if need be.  "Thanks, Gabe.  I told her I'd think about it. It's just... you know how I am.  Can you imagine me at a club?"  
  
Gabe laughed.  "No.  But that doesn't mean you shouldn't try if you want to.  Hey, maybe you'll even get lucky!"  he winked.  "You can bring him back here, but sock on the door handle, alright? I don't want to walk in on any surprises."  
  
"Jesus, Gabe," Cas laughed.  "Trust me, I won't be getting lucky.  I'll be 'lucky' to make it out without a panic attack," he gestured awkwardly with air quotes.   
  
"Well.  Offer stands, Cassie. Let me know.  Now, let's throw these dishes in the dishwasher and have some dessert, huh?"  
  
:::::::::::::::::  
  
Cas lay in bed tossing and turning.  He was really considering going to this stupid club with Charlie, even though he was sure it would be horrible.  Cas was an introvert, and nothing made him happier than spending time by himself.  But at the same time, he was kind of tired of being lonely.  He took so many precautions to avoid people, and yet nights like tonight he just wanted some company. Hell, he wanted to be held.  And not by Charlie.  Someone tough and masculine.  Maybe with a little stubble that brushed against his cheek when they kissed... and strong arms that could comfort him when he felt like hiding from the world...   
  
He sighed.  Yeah.  Right.  Kissing.  Balthazar touching his leg was the closest he'd been to a guy, ever, and that was just uncomfortable.  Of course, they'd just met and he wasn't at all interested in Balthazar.  That made a difference, right?  
  
Maybe he'd  _try_  going to the club... he'd take Gabe's car of course, maybe just plan on staying an hour and he could leave if he felt overwhelmed.  His heart was racing at the thought.  He could feel his shoulders tightening, hear the blood pounding in his ears... he closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths.    
  
That's it.  He was going.  Cas smiled to himself, still scared shitless but determined to at least try.   
  
_'Hey, maybe you'll even get lucky!'_ Gabe's words suddenly echoed through his head and they brought with them a new wave of panic. Shit.  He was definitely not ready for that.   
  
Cas rolled over and grabbed his laptop off of the nightstand and flipped it open. Two o'clock in the morning, stressed out, can't sleep... might as well watch some porn.   He scrolled through the categories until he found 'blowjobs' and clicked on it.  For  _research purposes_ , of course... Yeah.  He paid a little extra attention to technique this time.  You know, just in case. 


	5. Chapter 5

Charlie ran her fingers through Cas's hair for the fourth time, making it look elegantly disheveled.

"What is that crap anyway?" Cas asked, wrinkling his nose..

"Just a little styling cream..."

"So it's kind of like hair gel?"

"Mmm, sweetie, friends don't let friends gel their hair," Charlie winked.  "This will give it hold without making it look greasy or crunchy."

"It smells like toothpaste," he complained.

"Cas, it just smells like mint," Charlie rolled her eyes. "Sheesh.  I didn't realize you were so high maintenance."   Cas made a face at her and she grinned.  She stepped back to look at her work.  "Perfect.  You've got the perfect sex hair going on right now.  And you look good but..."  She adjusted his collar, then popped open his top button.   "Better.  You ready?"

Cas nodded nervously as he examined himself in the mirror.

"Remember, you'll have the car, so you can leave if you need to.  And if you can't drive, I'll drive you. You're in control here, Cas."

He nodded again.  "Let's do it."

::::::::::::

Almost immediately Cas was overwhelmed by people and bright lights and loud, pulsating music, but Charlie grabbed his arm and lead him to a slightly less crowded spot by the bar.

"Sit," she commanded, pointing to the bar stool next to her.  She flagged down the bartender and ordered two rum and Cokes, then slid one in front of Cas.  "You okay?"

"So far," Cas said, taking a slow sip of his drink.  "Can I just sit here all night?"

Charlie laughed.  "You can do anything you want.  But I kind of hope you'll dance with me at some point."

"I think I can manage that."

Just then, Meg came dancing over to them.  "Charlie!  Come dance!" she yelled, obviously wasted.  "Oh hey, Cas!  Didn't expect to see you here!"  Suddenly Cole came up behind her, grinding his hips on her and she giggled loudly.  "C'mon!" she motioned as Cole pulled her back out onto the dance floor.

"We'll be out soon," Charlie promised.   She looked  at Cas and rolled her eyes.  "She is somethin' else," she laughed.

"Are they dating now or something?" Cas asked, watching as they made their way to a corner where a few other jock-types and their cheerleader girlfriends were dancing.

Charlie shrugged.  "Who knows with Meg.  I haven't talked to her in a few days.  I'll have to call her later when she's sober.  Well hey, do you want to dance?  I could stand to move for a bit."

Cas nodded hesitantly and offered her his arm.

"Such a gentleman," Charlie giggled as she took it and lead him to the least crowded spot she could find.  
  
Cas wasn't a great dancer, but he gave it his best shot.  Charlie was not a great dancer either, but she did it with such enthusiasm, it was kind of charming. They fumbled their way through a few songs before heading back to the bar.   
  
"Sooo... I didn't want to mention it, but you're doing really well tonight," Charlie said breathlessly.   
  
"Are you kidding?  I'm a wreck," Cas laughed.    
  
"But you're still here!  You've been...  
  
"Charlie!  Cas!" a voice suddenly called, interrupting their conversation.    
  
"Nooo," Charlie groaned.  "No, no..." she mumbled as Balthazar came swaggering over.   
  
"I thought you'd be here with your man!" Balthazar said, raising a suspicious eyebrow at Cas.  His eyes roved over him hungrily.    
  
"I... uh... he couldn't make it," Cas fumbled.    
  
"Shame.  Well since he's not here, why don't you come dance with me?" he asked, grabbing Cas's wrist and pulling him off his bar stool.  Cas shot Charlie a panicked look and dug his heels firmly into the floor.    
  
"No.  Uh... no," he stuttered.  Charlie grabbed his other arm in support.  "I um... wouldn't feel comfortable with that."  
  
Balthazar loosened his grip and gave him a puzzled glance.  "C'mon, Cas!  Just two friends having a little dance.  I'm sure your man won't mind."  He ran a finger seductively down the side of Cas's jaw.   
  
"I don't think so. Thanks." Cas said flatly.    
  
Balthazar shrugged.  "Your loss.  And here I thought you might be here for some fun."  He turned around and sashayed off to another unsuspecting guy across the room.   
  
Charlie guided him gently back to his bar stool and put a hand on his shoulder.  "Cas?"  
  
"I'm good..." he said uncertainly.  "I... just need a minute.  Restroom. Be right back."   
  
Charlie nodded worriedly.   
  
Cas stumbled off to the restroom and locked himself in the furthest stall.  He sat down on the toilet and let his head fall back, taking a few long, deep breaths.    
  
 _You're okay,_  he told himself.   _You are not going to have a damn panic attack.  You handled yourself well out there, even though that guy creeps you the fuck out.  You're going to take a minute, calm down, then go back out there.  
  
_ He sighed and rested his head in his hands.  _This is not how tonight was supposed to go. You were supposed to hold it together!  Maybe meet a few people.  Why the hell is this so hard for me?  Why can't I just be normal?  
  
_ He exhaled a deep, shaky breath and stood. Just as he was about to open the door, something strange caught his eye.  A hole.  A hole in the side of the wall at about waist height with a layer of duct tape covering all of the exposed edges.   
  
Cas had never actually  _seen_  a glory hole, but that didn't mean he didn't know what it was.  _People don't really_ use _these things, do they?  If someone were sucking my dick, I'd want to know who it was._ He nearly laughed out loud at his next thought. _Would be a good place to practice your technique at least.  You know, in case you ever meet someone and you don't want them to think you're totally pathetic?  
  
_ Cas tried to shake the thought from his head, but it kept coming back.   _It_  w _ouldn't be so bad... It'd be totally anonymous... how nervous can you get with no one watching you?  Holy shit, am I actually considering this?  
_  
Oh god, he had to get out of there before someone stepped into the next stall. He pulled himself together and returned to the bar where Charlie was waiting for him,   
  
"You okay?" she asked, big green eyes full of concern.  
  
"Yeah.  Surprisingly.  I mean, I'm  _always_  anxious, but no panic attack yet."  
  
Charlie grinned.  "That's my boy."     
  
An hour later, and the night still hadn't been very eventful. _So much for meeting someone,_  Cas thought.  Still, he'd managed an entire night without freaking out, so he was ready to call it a victory.   Still, for some reason, his damn brain just wouldn't shut up about the glory hole.   
  
 _You should do it.  You know you've been curious to have a dick in your mouth. You want to get good at it, right?  It'd be good practice!  Wait.  That's a horrible idea.  And why the hell do I keep thinking about this?  
  
_ "Hey Cas," Charlie suddenly said, shaking him from his thoughts.  "You almost ready to leave?  I'm thinking about heading out soon."  
  
 _Shit.  Now or never._  
  
"Yeah.  Almost.  You can head out if you want.  I'm just going to use the bathroom first."


	6. Chapter 6

_What the hell are you doing?_   Cas's brain was screaming.   _This is by far the stupidest thing you've ever done._ He'd been sitting in the stall for a good ten minutes just listening to the sound of his heart pounding.  When the bathroom door suddenly opened he was so terrified, he thought for a moment he might stop breathing.  Thankfully, they used the restroom and left quickly.   
  
A few more minutes passed quietly.  _Okay.  This is just stupid.  You're sitting here waiting to do something you're not even sure you want to do._  
  
When he heard the door open again, he froze. The sound of footsteps were getting closer this time, and when he heard the stall door close next to him, his heart jumped in his chest.   _Oh god, what the fuck are you doing?_  He still had time to run. Yeah.  If he left now, the guy would never even know who he was.    
  
Just as he was reaching for the door handle, it happened.  A rather large, pinkish dick poked it's way through the hole. Cas stood there staring stupidly for a moment, thoughts of fleeing suddenly wrestling with the urge to just  _touch_  it.  A sudden tap on the wall tore him from his thoughts.    
  
_Fuck it.  Totally anonymous here.  No one knows it's you._  
  
Cas dropped to his knees and tentatively wrapped his fist around it, earning an appreciative twitch in return. Cas had had his own dick in his hands plenty of times, yet this still felt strange.  He ran his fingers over the velvety softness of the head, caressing it curiously.  This guy was huge.  Cas had always thought himself on the average side but this guy had him beat by a good two inches.  It was thicker too, and as he began gently stroking it, he couldn't help but think that it would probably hurt like hell if he were to hook up with this guy.  Not that he  _would_ , because that would be crazy.   
  
_Crazier than giving a blowjob to a stranger in a bathroom stall?_  Cas willed his brain to shut the hell up already.   
  
Alright. He was going to do it. Ever-so-gently, he let his lips slide around the tip, licking the sensitive underside a bit before he sunk down further. He'd been determined to get it all into his mouth at once, but he choked a bit, embarrassingly, and he pulled back and held close to the base instead.    
  
Cas swirled his tongue around the tip, his mind swimming with thoughts of all the porn he'd ever watched.  Was he even doing this right?  Every so often the guy would give a little grunt so it must be  _okay_  at least... He let his mouth slide up and down it as far as he could, hollowing his cheeks and sucking occasionally.  Every so often he'd pull back and stroke it roughly, the way he liked touching himself.  He kind of liked jerking the guy off, frankly.  He was fascinated watching how it reacted to his touch - the way it jerked and twitched, the way a bit of precome was forming at the tip... Cas couldn't resist swiping at it with his tongue, which elicited another groan from the other side of the wall.  He dragged his tongue over the tip again, prodding against the slit, savoring the salty, musky taste.    
  
Out of the corner of his eye, he saw a pair of hands suddenly gripping at the top of the partition, and he smiled a little to himself.   _Okay, this isn't so bad.  He seems to be into it._  
  
Cas slid down, taking as much into his mouth as he could safely manage, then began bobbing his head a little, sliding him in and out quickly.  His jaw was getting sore, but he knew the guy was getting close, judging from the little grunts and huffs of breath every so often.   
  
"Oh!  I'm gonna... uh..." a voice from the stall suddenly said.  Cas hummed and swallowed around his dick, then pulled back with a loud, sloppy, popping sound, quickly replacing his mouth with his hand, stroking frantically as the guy began to come.  
   
"Fuck, oh fuck, shit, fuckin' hell, man..." he let out a litany of curse words as he came hard, spattering the opposite wall in white, sticky fluid.   Cas slowed down, gently milking as much out of him as he could before he finally pulled away. He stood there for a second, glancing up at  the hands that had finally loosened their grip on the wall, the spent cock, now flaccid and reddened from Cas's mouth.  He even bent and glanced at the guy's shoes.  For a brief moment, he couldn't help but wonder what this guy looked like, wondered if he knew him.   
  
Slowly, the stranger pulled back from the wall.  Cas could hear him cleaning up with toilet paper and zipping his jeans, so Cas began to clean up too.   
  
"Hey," a soft voice suddenly said.   
  
Cas froze.   
  
The stall door next to him opened and the guy stepped out, and Cas was suddenly thankful that he was leaving.   
  
"Hey," he said again. "I uh... I know this is supposed to be an anonymous thing, but can you come out for a minute?"  
  
_Shit.  No.  This isn't how this is supposed to go._   Cas just stood there frozen in place, wishing he could disappear.   
  
"Come on.  You just had my dick in your mouth, I can't at least say thanks?"  
  
Fuck.  This guy wasn't going to give up.  Cas suddenly had another thought.  What if this guy expected a girl to be in here?  What if he took one look at him and flew into some homophobic rage?  _Oh fuck, Cas, what the hell did you just do?_  
  
"C'mon, man," the voice pleaded.  "I'm not leaving 'til you come out."  
  
Maybe if he moved fast enough, he could make a run for it... Slowly, he opened the door and looked up into a pair of bright green eyes.   _Dean fucking Winchester.  No, no, no.  Of all the guys you could have blown.  You go and blow the guy who beat the shit out of some guy at his last school.  Now he's probably going to beat the shit out of you._  
  
"Hey," Dean said, looking a bit surprised.  "I know you... you're in my psych class.  Cas, is it?"  
  
Cas didn't answer. He looked down at the ground as he began to inch toward the door.  He could feel his face burning and his heart was beginning to race again.  Oh fuck, he could  _not_  have a panic attack now.   
  
"Woah, hey," Dean said, sensing Cas's discomfort.  "You okay?  You're not looking too good."  
  
"I... I have to go," Cas stuttered.  He turned and abruptly ran for the door, which suddenly seemed miles away.   
  
"Wait," Dean yelled, but Cas had already left, the door swinging shut behind him.   
  
Cas ran out of the club, threw himself into the driver's seat of Gabe's car and started the engine.  He needed a second to recover, but he didn't dare sit there in case Dean decided to chase after him.  He stopped at the closest fast food restaurant he could find and ordered a bottle of water in the drive-thru, then parked the car long enough to take a pill and guzzle down his drink.   
  
_So fucking stupid, Cas.  What the hell are you going to do next time you run into him?  This is why you should just stay home.  At least you can't do anything stupid there._


	7. Chapter 7

The alarm clock began chirping out it's annoyingly cheeful wake-up call and Cas rolled over to shut it off.  He pulled the blankets up over his head and curled up in a ball. He was  _not_  going to his early-morning psych class today.  If he had to see Dean Winchester... well, his stomach clenched just thinking about it.   He lay there a while, anxiously trying to get back to sleep.    
  
"Cassie?  Don't you need to be up for class?"  Gabe asked, poking his head into Cas's bedroom.    
  
Cas groaned.  "Not going today.  Don't feel well," he said, barely peeking out from under his covers.   
  
"What's wrong?"  
  
Cas sighed.  "I don't know.  My anxiety I guess.  I feel sick."  
  
Gabe smiled sadly.  "Alright, bro.  Well I have to go to work, so I'll see you tonight.  Get some rest and feel better."  
  
Cas nodded weakly and buried himself under the blankets again. He was still lying there a few hours later, not quite asleep when his phone rang. 

  
"Hello?" he said feebly.    
  
"Cas?  Where were you today?" Charlie's usually cheerful voice sounded worried.   
  
"Hey Charlie.  Sorry.  Not feeling good."  
  
"Aww, I'm sorry.  What's wrong?"  
  
"Just my anxiety I think... I... Nevermind."  Cas sighed.   
  
"Cas?" Charlie asked suspiciously.  "What's going on?  Do I need to come over there?"  
  
"No, I'm fine. Really."  
  
"I'll be there in ten."  The phone suddenly went dead and Cas sighed, kicking off his blankets. "Dammit, Charlie," he grumbled as he shrugged on a pair of pants and a t-shirt, then finger-combed his hair.    
  
He was sitting at the kitchen table when Charlie finally knocked at the door, two bags from a fast-food restaurant and a tray of drinks in her hands. Wordlessly, she entered, setting her bags down on the table and shoving one in front of Cas. "Chicken nuggets, Cas.  Your favorite," she said simply. "So how sick are you?"  
  
"Just... anxiety-sick," Cas sighed. "It happens."  
  
"I know, Cas," Charlie said, ruffling her fingers through his messy hair. "But you were going to say something else... what's bugging you?"   She sat down across from him, and slid his drink over.  "Eat," she commanded.  
  
Cas took a deep, shaky breath.  "I did something really stupid."  
  
"Okay?  What?  When?"  
  
"At the club..."  
  
"Cas, you were with me the whole time.  You didn't do anything stupid... wait, did you stay after I left?"  Charlie asked, freezing in place as she bit into a french fry.   
  
Cas could feel his face burning already.  "Kind of. Just for a few minutes..."  
  
"So what did you do?"  
  
"God, it's embarrassing. I don't even know why I did it, I just..."  
  
"Cas!"  
  
"Did you know there's a glory hole in the men's restroom there?" he asked, cringing.   
  
"I've heard.  Oh my god, tell me you didn't go sticking your dick into a random hole."  
  
"Not exactly..."  
  
Charlie stared at him for a moment, and suddenly a wave of recognition swept across her face.  "You didn't?"  
  
Cas nodded sheepishly. "I don't know what came over me!  I guess I thought maybe it would be good... I don't know, practice?"   
  
Charlie was biting her lip, trying to hold back laughter.  "Cas!" she yelled.  "Okay, okay.  But no one knows it was you, so why are you so anxious today?"  
  
"He kind of knows.  He um, asked me to come out afterwards."  
  
"What?  That kind of ruins the point of the thing, doesn't it?" Charlie exclaimed.  
  
"I know!  Um.  But he said he wasn't leaving until I came out.  So I did."  
  
"Did you know the guy?"  
  
"Dean Winchester."  
  
Charlie's mouth gaped open and her eyes widened.  "Holy shit.  Oh, Cas...  So what did he say?"  
  
"Nothing really.  He recognized me.  And then I kind of ran, like an idiot."  
  
"I thought Dean was straight?  I mean, I've only ever seen him with girls."  
  
"I think he is!  He probably expected a girl on the other side of the wall.  He's probably gonna kick my ass!" Cas exclaimed.   
  
Charlie placed a hand on his  and soothingly rubbed at his knuckles.  "Calm down.  He's not going to kick your ass. Anyone who sticks their dick in a random hole has to realize you never know who's gonna be on the other side.  I'm sure it's fine."  
  
"Even so, how can I face him, Charlie?  Jesus, I thought I'd be okay with this since no one would know it was me.  This wasn't supposed to happen!"  
  
"I know, Cas.  It sucks.  But you can't keep skipping class!  What are you gonna do, drop out so you don't have to see him?    And you'll still see him around, you know."  
  
Cas sighed again and put his head in his hands.  "I know.  I don't know what to do! "  
  
Charlie swooped in and put an arm around his shoulder.  "Sweetie, you're just going to have to face him. I mean, you don't have to go out of your way to talk to him or anything, but you can't just hide forever.  I really don't think he's going to be pissed.  Maybe he um... just wanted to say thanks... or something."  
  
Cas took a deep breath and leaned his head on her shoulder.  "This is why I shouldn't be allowed to leave the house, Charlie."  
  
Charlie laughed.  "Because you give out free blowjobs?" she teased.  "C'mon, Cas.  It's not the end of the world.  Why don't you come grab some ice cream with me?  My treat.  You've been lying in bed moping long enough today."  
  
"How do you know I've been in bed all day?" Cas huffed.   
  
"You still have pillow creases on your cheek, for one.  Come on, get your shoes on.  I'm not taking no for an answer."    
  
Sullenly, Cas tracked down his sneakers and slid them onto his feet, and let Charlie drag him to her car.  "Let's go, Debbie Downer," she said, elbowing him.   
  
:::::::::::::::  
  
"See, don't you feel better getting out of the house?" Charlie asked as she opened her dessert menu.    
  
"A little I guess," Cas admitted.  "I suppose ice cream helps too.  Thanks, Charlie.  I don't know what I'd do without you."  
  
Charlie smiled.  "Back 'atcha, Cas.  So what are you getting?"  
  
An hour later, with their ice cream long gone, Cas was feeling a bit better.  Charlie had been catching him up on what he had missed in class earlier, along with all the latest gossip.  Cas didn't really care about gossip, but it did seem to make Charlie happy to keep him in the loop on  _everything_.     
  
"Hey!  Cas?" a voice suddenly called. Cas looked around panicked, like a deer in the headlights.  Headed toward his table was none other than Dean Winchester.   
  
"Uh.  Hi," Dean said as he got close.  "Oh.  Charlie, right?" he asked, nodding her direction.   "Dean Winchester," he said, offering his hand.  
  
"Yeah.  Hey Dean," Charlie said.  "What's up?"  
  
Dean rubbed the back of his neck nervously.  "Was just wondering if I could talk to Cas here for a few minutes alone?  If you don't mind?" he asked, staring intently at Cas.   
  
Charlie glanced at him, awaiting his answer.  
  
"I... I guess..." Cas stuttered, his face turning a bright shade of red.   
  
Charlie nodded.  "I'll be over there," she said, pointing to a booth by the door.


	8. Chapter 8

  
"What do you want?" Cas snapped angrily. He shouldn't be having this conversation, this whole thing was supposed to be anonymous and this guy couldn't just leave it alone.   
  
"Hey, hey," Dean said, putting his hands up.  "Not here to harass you. Look, I just uh... I've never done that before and I don't know why, but I felt a little guilty about it afterwards.  Actually a friend dared me to do it and I...  I had a feeling that maybe you hadn't done this before either and... Fuck, this isn't coming out right at all."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Why what?"  
  
"Why did you think I'd never done it before?" Cas asked nervously.   
  
"No, I didn't mean that!  It was good!  You just um...  Seemed nervous. I could feel your hands shaking and uh... shit, I'm not good at this.  I just wanted to make sure you were okay."  
  
Cas stared stupidly at the table for a few minutes, not sure what to say. It wasn't until Dean rested his hand on top of his that he jolted.  "F...fine.  I'm fine," he said.  His first instinct was to jerk his hand away, but for some reason he didn't, and Dean gently started stroking his thumb across his knuckles.   
  
"I also kind of didn't want you to think I just go around sticking my dick into strange holes.  God, that sounds even worse than it did when I said it in my head"  
  
Cas burst out laughing, a bit of relief to his frazzled nerves. "I um... don't usually stand on the other side of strange holes either," he said finally.   
  
Dean grinned and nodded. "You get dared too?"  
  
"No.  I don't know what came over me.  That's not like me at all. I'm a pretty nervous guy.  I had a panic attack immediately afterward," he blurted, partially covering his face with his hand.     
  
"Shit dude, did I scare you that much? I'm sorry. I know, I shouldn't have asked you to come out but..."  
  
"No!  I mean, I kind of have them a lot.  Uh.  Anxiety. Panic attacks.  But I was also pretty sure you were gonna be pissed when you found out it was a guy that just blew you," Cas said, glancing back at the table. Dean hadn't stopped stroking his hand, and for some reason, instead of freaking him out, it was kind of comforting.  He glanced across the room at Charlie who was grinning like an idiot and he had to look away quickly.   
  
Dean laughed.  "Well I knew there was a 50/50 chance."  
  
"And that didn't freak you out?"  
  
"Why would it?" Dean shrugged.  
  
"I thought you were straight," Cas said bluntly.  
  
Dean bit his bottom lip and stared at him a minute.  "I'm bi," he said finally.  "I don't know why I'm telling you this, because I'm not really 'out' about it.  I mean, I'm not ashamed of it or anything but life's just been easier this way, you know?"  
  
Cas nodded, staring at him curiously.  Conversation was suddenly flowing from him easily and it was confusing, at best.  The only people he could carry on full conversations with were Gabe and Charlie.  He was still nervous, but this wasn't nearly as bad as he'd imagined.   
  
"So why  _are_  you telling me?"  
  
"I don't know," Dean repeated. "I guess I was kind of hoping we could hang out?  Get to know each other better?"  
  
"Um..." Cas fumbled, completely dumbfounded.   
  
Dean glanced in his direction and smiled softly.  "No pressure, really. Don't go having a panic attack on me," he winked, giving Cas's hand a little squeeze.   
  
"No!  Um.  I'd like that," Cas smiled nervously.  
  
"Me too," Dean grinned.  "Well I'd love to stay and chat some more, but my little brother over there is giving me the evil eye, so I should get going.  Your friend Charlie's probably ready to kill me too," he laughed.  "So um... you free Saturday afternoon?"  
  
Cas nodded stiffly.   
  
"Good!  Hold on..."  He flagged down the waitress and borrowed her pen, then scribbled down his phone number on a napkin.  "So... call me, and we'll go do something, okay?"    
  
Cas took a deep breath as he stared at the napkin in his shaky hands.    
  
"Easier if I call you?" Dean suddenly asked.   
  
"Yeah," Cas choked.  "Yeah, here," he said.  He ripped off the bottom part of the napkin and scribbled his phone number down, then handed it to him.   
  
"Alright.  I'll call you and I'll see you in class Thursday, right?"  he asked.   
  
"I'll be there," Cas nodded.   
  
"Good," Dean smiled, giving his hand a final squeeze before he made his way back to his tall, now surly-looking little brother.   
  
Charlie came striding over to him and she grabbed his arm, leading him out to the car.  She got in and fastened her seatbelt calmly before she exploded.  "What the hell was that?"  
  
Cas just began laughing hysterically.  His nerves were shot and he was nearly vibrating from the adrenaline coursing through his veins.  Charlie was staring at him like he was crazy, and that made him laugh even harder.  When he finally calmed down, his ribs hurt and he was panting a little, so he just handed Charlie the napkin.   
  
Charlie beamed.  "I told you!"  
  
"I'm still kind of scared of him, but he was so...  _nice_.  He asked if I was free Saturday afternoon."  
  
"Tell me you said yes."  
  
Cas nodded nervously. "I'm a nervous wreck, and I'm scared shitless... and I can't stop smiling."  
  
"Aw, sweetie.  I'm so happy for you!  Wanna go home and celebrate with a Firefly marathon?" she asked, winking.  
  
"Yeah... I need to calm down," Cas laughed. "Bed, tv.  That should do it.   Fuck, Charlie, how am I going to survive until Saturday?   It's so far away!"  
  
"Calm down, loverboy.  You'll see your stud in class Thursday," Charlie rolled her eyes at him playfully.    
  
"I just mean... do you know how  _anxious_  I'm going to be until then?"  
  
Charlie laughed.  "Breathe, Cas.  Let's get you home."  
  
  
  



	9. Chapter 9

Thursday morning, Cas bounced out of bed with his alarm.  He showered and dressed quickly and spent a little extra time trying to get his unruly hair to behave. When he came out to the kitchen, Gabriel gave him a good stare-down.  "What's goin' on with you today?  Up with your alarm? Didn't hit snooze a dozen times?  Ready to leave before I am?"

"I don't know, I'm just ready early today?" Cas said hesitantly.

Gabe raised a skeptical eyebrow at him.  "Oh _really_? You've been acting weird the last two nights.  What's going on?"

"I don't know," Cas sighed.  "It's probably nothing."

"It's a guy, isn't it?"

"Maybe."

Gabe grinned.  "So you gonna tell me about him or what?"

"Not yet.  Really, it's probably nothing," he repeated. "But we might do something Saturday."

"Alright," Gabe shrugged.  "You keep your secret for now, but I want to hear about it when you get home Saturday."

"We'll see," Cas laughed.

"Well all I know is he must be something else to make you get your ass out of bed early."

::::::::::::::::::

Cas entered the lecture hall and chose a seat.  There were only three other students there so far since he was early, and out of habit, he chose the furthest row away from them that he could find.  He flicked his phone on and texted Charlie to see how close she was.

_SMS from Charlie:  Almost there. Save me a seat.  Wait. Unless Deeeeeeean sits near you. In that case, I'll leave you two alone.  ;)_

Cas rolled his eyes and flipped open his email to stall time.  When someone began walking over to him he didn't even bother looking up from his phone. "Hey Charl... oh!"  he said as Dean startled him by dropping his book on the table.

"Hey.  Can I sit here?"

"Y...yeah.  Of course," Cas said, feeling his face redden already.

"Sorry, I meant to call you last night then my brother... ugh, well my brother was having a crisis," he laughed softly.  "And I just ended up dealing with that all night and then I thought it would probably be too late to call..."

"It's okay," Cas said.  "So you live with your brother?"

"Yeah.  I'm kind of his legal guardian.  He's fifteen and I forgot what a pain in the ass I was at fifteen.  I mean, it was only five years ago but geez."

Cas laughed. "High school was brutal."

"Yeah.  And not only that, but he's in this growth spurt and he's just like a walking sack of hormones.  And ever since our dad died, he's had a lot of behavioral issues, and... This is all TMI considering I just met you, isn't it?"

"No," Cas shook his head. "Go on."

"Eh, that's it.  My point is, I love him but he's a huge pain in the ass sometimes," Dean laughed.

Cas nodded.  "My brother and I share a house, so I understand.  I mean, it's different because he's older.  But still."

The hall was starting to fill up.  Cas caught a glimpse of bright red hair, and Charlie gave him a wink and smile before settling down in the front row.

"Yeah?  Your brother a pain in the ass too?" Dean asked.

"Sometimes, yeah.  Mostly when he's trying to hook me up with random people," Cas rolled his eyes.

Dean laughed.  "Lucky you.  Guess brothers are all the same, huh?  So hey, before class starts... I was thinking, I was going to see if you wanted to go to this music festival downtown Saturday but then I realized you might hate that with all the people...  It's really packed elbow-to-elbow sometimes. So um.  I guess we can decide what to do later when I call you.  My brother, for the record, suggested the zoo or the amusement park," he laughed.

Cas blushed.  "I'm okay with either of those."

"Yeah?  I haven't been to an amusement park since I was like twelve...  You up to it?"

"Sure.  I should warn you though, I have a weird, irrational fear of roller coasters..."

Dean grinned.  "I always loved roller coasters.  But we'll skip those this time.  Alright.  Amusement park it is!  I'm strangely excited for this."  
  
"Me too," Cas said, biting his lip shyly.   
  
"So I'll call you later and we can figure out the details, okay?" Dean said, just as the professor approached his podium.    
  
Cas nodded.    
  
The next hour dragged by with Cas having a hard time concentrating on the lecture.  He found himself feeling incredibly self-conscious with Dean sitting right next to him.  At some point, Dean reached over and started stroking his thumb over the back of his hand again, a gesture that Cas thought seemed strangely intimate all things considered, but for some reason it seemed to calm him down.   
  
When class ended, they said goodbye with Dean promising to call him later.  Charlie swooped in as soon as Dean left, playfully punching Cas's shoulder as she greeted him.   
  
"How'd it go?"  
  
"Good," Cas sighed happily as he followed Charlie out to her car.  "This is too fuckin' weird."  
  
"Weird?" Charlie laughed.  "Why weird?"  
  
"I don't know.  I mean, I'm still nervous when he's around but... I can  _talk_  to him, Charlie.  Do you know how weird that is for me?  And every so often he touches my hand, which would normally freak me the fuck out, but it... it kind of calms me down.  What the fuck is going on with me?"  
  
"I don't know, Cas.  Maybe he's a good guy.  You're a really good judge of character."  
  
"Well everything about his reputation says he's not."  
  
Charlie shrugged.  "Sometimes reputations are bullshit."  
  
Cas nodded.  "True I guess.  We're going to an amusement park on Saturday," he laughed.    
  
"Interesting choice for a first date," Charlie grinned.    
  
"Yeah," Cas agreed.  "You wanna come for dinner?  I'm just ordering pizza.  Gabe will be there though, fair warning."  
  
"You know I love your brother," Charlie laughed. "He cracks me up.  And yeah, I could do pizza!"  
  
::::::::::  
  
"Charlie!" Gabriel whined.  "Cassie won't tell me about his new love interest.  You know, the guy who's making him all swoon-y and giggly all the damn time lately?"  
  
"You're swooning?" Charlie teased.  "We're losing him, Gabe!"  
  
Cas rolled his eyes and smiled. "Shut up."  
  
"Our baby boy is all grown up, Charlie!" Gabe fake-sobbed into Charlie's shoulder.    
  
"I hate you guys so much," Cas laughed. 


	10. Chapter 10

Cas checked his reflection in the mirror for the third time as Charlie laughed at him.

"Cas, you look fine!  Stop stressing already!"

"Do you know who you're talking to?  Stressing is what I  _do,"_  Cas said matter-of-factly.

"Well knock it off.  You're a catch.  Ooh, wait.  Put on some of that cologne you wear that almost makes me want to devour you."

Cas playfully rolled his eyes and unbuttoned his shirt, picking up a bottle from his dresser and lightly spritzing his chest and neck.  He fanned his shirt for a moment while it dried, then re-buttoned.  "Better?"

Charlie took a deep whiff and sighed.  "Mmmhmm.  So when is he supposed to be here again?"

"Ten minutes ago," Cas said, glancing at the alarm clock by his bed.  "He's supposed to call when he's out front."

"Cas?" Gabe's voice suddenly called against his bedroom door.  "Someone just pulled in the driveway.  With a fuckin' sweet ride, by the way..."

"Okay, thanks," he said, glancing in the mirror once more.  "You're sure I look okay?" he asked once again.

"You look fantastic!  Have fun," Charlie said, wrapping him in a big hug. "If you need to leave or anything, call me and I'll come get you.  Not that you'll need to, because you'll be fine!"

Cas took a deep breath and nodded.

"Cas?" Gabe said again.  " _Dean's_ here."

"Shit," Cas whispered, glancing at Charlie. "I guess he's met Gabe then..."

Charlie just bit her lip and grinned, then followed Cas out into the living room.

"...so if you hurt my baby brother, I swear to God, they will never find your body," Cas heard Gabriel saying as he drew near.

"Seriously, Gabe?" Cas sighed, touching a hand to his forehead in frustration.  "Fuck, what am I,  _twelve_?"

Dean seemed completely unfazed, chuckling a bit as Cas blushed awkwardly.  "It's okay, Cas," Dean said.  "I get it.  I take care of my baby brother too.  Doesn't matter how old he gets..." he winked.

Gabe smiled a little.  "Alright, get out of here before Cas kills me."

Dean stood and slipped an arm around Cas's waist, guiding him out the door.  "Family, huh?" he laughed as he opened Cas's car door.

Cas sighed, still embarrassed.  "So that's my brother Gabriel. No way your brother is worse."

Dean snorted.  "Seriously, Cas?  He's  _fifteen_ , remember?"  Dean shifted the car into gear and pulled out of the driveway.

"Your car is gorgeous, by the way," Cas said suddenly. "Sorry, I was busy being mortified.  What year is she?"

"Thanks.  Baby here is a '67 Impala.  I'm kind of a car guy," he admitted.

Cas raised an eyebrow at him.  "You named your car Baby?"

Dean looked over at him seriously.  "Don't judge me, Cas," he said before grinning again. "She's kind of my only real prized possession.  Used to be my dad's.  He gave her to me on my sixteenth birthday."

Cas smiled and nodded.  "That's cool.  I love old muscle cars. Maybe someday, if I ever get around to driving... shit."

"Shit?"

"I didn't really plan on mentioning that," Cas said sheepishly.

"That you don't drive?  So what?"

Cas sat there quietly for a moment. "I'm working on it.  I mean, my whole anxiety/panic disorder thing in general.  My therapist has been encouraging me to try things that scare me lately and... fuck, why am I telling you this?  You must think I'm nuts!  I'm sorry.  I'm nervous.  Sometimes I start rambling when I'm nervous..."

Dean laughed.  "Relax, it's fine.  And I don't think you're nuts. My brother actually has some serious anxiety issues too.  I think it's awesome that you're trying so hard.  I know it's not easy."

Cas huffed a little breath of relief.

"But I have to ask," he said suddenly.  "Am I one of those things that scares you?"

"Are you asking if you're just a challenge from my therapist?" Cas smirked.  "No.  Do you scare me?  A little."

"Hmmph.  What can I do to fix that?"

Cas shrugged.  "It's not you, it's most people.  It's just how I am.  I was super terrified of your reputation though, to be honest."

"My repu... that thing about beating up some guy at my last school?  Fuck, I have no idea where that started, but it follows me like the plague.  The real story isn't that exciting.  I transferred here when my dad died.  My mom passed away giving birth to my brother, so it was always just the three of us.   So when he was gone, I fought for custody of Sam, packed us up and moved here.  My uncle Bobby and aunt Ellen live in town.  They help me out with Sam a lot.  You know Jo Harvelle?"

"Yeah."

"Her parents.  She's my cousin.  Well, step-cousin.  Anyway, they're the only other family we have, so it just made sense to move here."

"I'm sorry.  That's a lot of shit to deal with."

Dean shrugged.  "Honestly?  I miss my dad, but life's easier this way.  He was a serious alcoholic.   I pretty much took care of Sam most of my childhood anyway.  I mean, dad tried, but he was sick, you know?"

Cas nodded.

"Fuck, how did we get into this discussion? " Dean suddenly laughed.  "We both sound like we're on Dr. Phil or something.  Whole lotta chick flick moments going on in this car.  We're going to have to do something manly and testosterone-fueled to make up for it."

"Yeah.  Like... wrestling or something," Cas said.  "Wait..."

Dean burst into hysterical laughter.  "I was going to suggest... I don't know.  Chopping wood.  Or kickboxing.  But you know, if you insist," he teased.

Cas slapped a hand over his face and shook his head disbelievingly as his face reddened.  "Of all the activities I could have chosen..."

Dean grinned.  "Lucky for you, we're here," he said as he pulled into the parking lot.

::::::::::::::::::

After a few hours of riding almost every ride in the park,  Cas was feeling pretty exhausted.  He also noticed that the little surges of adrenaline that gripped him during most of the rides seemed to be making him feel a bit bolder.

"You know what?" he asked as they had just spun themselves silly on the Tilt-a-Whirl.  "I think... I want to try it."

"Try what?" Dean asked.

"A roller coaster.  I haven't been on one in five, six years.  Time to try again, right?"  Cas said determinedly.

"You sure?"

Cas nodded.

"Okay," Dean agreed.  "Well we're  _not_  going on the Corkscrew.  Let's do the Comet."  The Comet was the oldest ride in the park, an updated wooden coaster that dated back to the fifties.  It was a nice, basic coaster that wasn't ridiculously high, and didn't flip you upside down, so Dean figured it was a good place to start.

"That's probably a good idea," Cas laughed nervously.

"I love the old coasters," Dean said, as the attendant came by and fastened their lap bar.  "I kind of hate the newer chest harness-things where they lock you in.  I get a little claustrophobic."

Cas didn't reply.  He was already busy thinking of what a bad idea this was.

"Hey... you okay?" Dean asked as the coaster creaked and began it's painfully slow, first ascent.

"Uhhh.  This was a horrible idea," Cas replied.

"You're gonna be fine," Dean assured him, squeezing his hand.

Cas closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "I don't want to do this now," he laughed apprehensively.  "Can we make it stop?"

Dean smiled.  "No, we're almost to the top.  Look, once you get past the first drop, all the others are much smaller. Just make it through the first drop for me, Cas."

Cas's hands gripped the lap bar tightly.  _Stupid, stupid, stupid,_  he admonished himself.

"Come here," Dean instructed.

"What?"

"Just c'mere."  Dean put an arm around him and pulled Cas into his shoulder. "Look.  I got you.  Nothing bad's gonna happen.  Hold onto me, alright?"

Cas's hand slid around to Dean's waist as they reached the top, and Dean let his other arm encircle him, holding him tightly.  "Almost there," he was murmuring against Cas's ear. "You're okay."

The first drop was steep and fast and Cas felt like his stomach was in his throat already.  He closed his eyes and gripped Dean tightly as they plummeted.  "There.  Worst part's over," Dean said as they began to round the corner.   
  
Cas nodded stiffly.  still not convinced.  The next few drops were easier and he took a deep breath, loosening his grip a little.    
  
"Almost done," Dean said.  "Can you watch the rest for me?"  
  
Slowly, Cas opened his eyes , still not willing to let go, but he managed to be fairly cognizant until the end. As the ride pulled to a stop, Dean shook him and grinned.  "Hey.  You did it."  
  
Cas pulled back, suddenly feeling awkward about holding onto him, and incredibly embarrassed at the same time.  "God, that was stupid.  I feel like an idiot."  
  
"Don't," Dean said simply.  "You hungry?"  
  
"I guess I could eat."  
  
"Good," he lead him to a park bench and sat him down.  " Stay here and breathe for a minute.  I'll grab us some hot dogs or something."  
  
Dean returned a few minutes later, with a box of fries, hot dogs, and drinks in his hands, along with a plastic bag of cotton candy.    
  
"We'll share this later," he promised.  "Eat," he motioned to the box he had set between them.   
  
Cas picked at his fries, still trying to come down from his embarrassment.  
   
"I got you something too," Dean said as he swallowed a bite of his hot dog.  He reached into his inner jacket pocket and pulled out a tiny folder, handing it to Cas.   
  
"Oh fuck," Cas said, hiding his face as he peeked at the souvenir photo from the ride.  "I looked even stupider than I felt."  He stared at the photo of himself, tightly hugging Dean for all he was worth.   
  
"You do not," Dean said.  "The photo lady thought we were just some lovey couple," he laughed.  "I think we look adorable.  And I got this for you as a reminder. You were scared shitless and you did it anyway.  You should be proud of that, man."  
  
Cas smiled a little, suddenly fighting back watery eyes.  "Thanks, Dean," he said softly.   
  
Dean shrugged and smiled.  "So.. you rode every other ride in this place with no problem.  Some of them were way scarier.  Why do you think the coasters scare you? "  
  
"I _know_ why," Cas said.  "When I was younger, I was at a park when a coaster derailed. Killed five kids.  It was... well, it was horrific.  Ever since I've had this weird fear that it's gonna happen while I'm on one.  I know it's silly. I mean, the odds of something like that happening are pretty slim.   I just can't get it out of my head."  
  
"Shit, I remember that.  You were  _there_?  That's awful.  That's enough to turn  _anyone_  off of coasters, Cas!   Yeah, the odds of it happening are slim but that's not as silly or irrational as you think it is."  
  
Cas nodded uncertainly as he finished his hot dog.  "I guess so."  They finished eating in a comfortable silence.  
  
"Well, all I know is that I have to go win that stuffed Superman over at the midway before we leave," Dean suddenly motioned.   
  
"Superman?  Ugh.  No.  Batman's where it's at."   
  
"Seriously?  Cas, you're breakin' my heart here!"  
  
Cas laughed.  "Come on.  Between the two of us, we'll get you your damn Superman.  I'm an expert at Skeeball."    
  
::::::::::::::::::::  
   
It was just starting to get dark as Dean pulled up to Cas's s house and shut off the engine.   
  
"So this is the part I'm really awkward at," Dean said sheepishly.    
  
"Anxiety?  Remember?" Cas pointed to himself.  "I'm no better," he laughed.    
  
Dean grinned.  "C'mon, I'll be old-fashioned and walk you to your door."   
  
Cas collected his plush Batman that Dean insisted they also try to win, and he got out of the car, slowly trekking up to his door with Dean at his side.  He wasn't ready for the night to end.   
  
"So um.  This was fun," Dean said.  "Seriously, I haven't had this much fun in a long time."  
  
"Me too," Cas smiled.  He was suddenly feeling a little overwhelmed, not sure if he wanted to laugh or cry.   
  
"So you think we can maybe do this again?"  Dean asked, a bit nervously now.  
  
"Definitely," Cas nodded.  
  
"Good," Dean sighed in relief.  "Well... goodnight, Cas."

"Goodnight, Dean," Cas said. but neither of them moved, smiling awkwardly at each other.  
  
"I told you I'm bad at this," Dean suddenly blurted, laughing.  "Can I um..."  
  
Cas nodded, and a second later, Dean's lips were on his, hand cupped gently at the side of his face.   It was a gentle, chaste kiss that maybe lasted a little longer than it should have as Cas kissed back, followed by a few more playful pecks on the lips as they teased at each other.   
  
"Fuck, now I _really_ have to go before you get me all excited," Dean laughed.  "'Night Cas. Call me?"  
  
Cas nodded. "I will.  Goodnight, Dean."


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This one got away from me a bit. I probably should have split it into two parts. Meh. At least there's finally a bit of smut.

Gabriel was pacing back and forth in the kitchen as he cooked breakfast.  It was one of the odd mornings where Cas didn't have class until afternoon and Gabriel had a day off.  He'd worked late the last few nights, and he hadn't seen Cas since before his date Saturday.  Frankly, he was itching to ask him how it went.  It was eleven a.m, and Cas was still sleeping, so Gabe figured he could lure him out of his blanket cocoon with a big, home-cooked breakfast.

Gabe couldn't deny that he had been a little worried.  His only impression of Dean prior to this was Cas saying he was bad news, and also that he was straight, which made things all kinds of confusing.  This could  _not_  be the same guy he'd been nervous and giddy over all week, could it?

"Cassie?"  Gabe called, knocking on his bedroom door.  "You ever gonna wake up?  I made breakfast."

Cas stirred and mumbled something unintelligible, but the bed creaked and Gabe heard him get up.

Cas padded out to the dining room barefoot, still rubbing the sleep from his eyes.  "Morning," he mumbled, as he sat down at the table.

"Hey," Gabe said nonchalantly. "Made your favorites.  Western omelette, bacon, pancakes..."

"Wow.  Thank you.  This is great.  But what's the occasion?"  Cas asked suspiciously.

"What do you mean?  I cook for you all the time."

"Yeah, but not the Thanksgiving of breakfast spreads," Cas laughed, looking around the table at the heaping plates of food.

Gabriel shrugged.  "I was bored."

Cas nodded and loaded up his plate and began chewing in silence. "Whaaat?" he asked suddenly as he noticed Gabe staring at him.

"You know what!" Gabe said.  "Fuckin' spill it already, Cas!  Wait, first... straight, 'bad news' Dean Winchester who you're 'not interested in'?"

Cas couldn't hide his smile if he tried. "Yeah, yeah."

"Care to explain?" Gabe asked impatiently.

"Um.  Well, turns out he's bi, his reputation is all bullshit, and I guess I was more interested than I thought," Cas blurted, looking down at his plate as he blushed. 

"I take it things went well," Gabe smirked.  

Cas nodded shyly. "We've hung out a little every night this week.  Late-ish mostly, since he has practice."

"Riiiight.  Mr. Quarterback.  I forgot.  Well he seems alright I guess.  I mean, from the whole two minutes I talked to him."

"Talked?  You mean threatened?"

"Tomato, Tomahto, Cassie."

Cas rolled his eyes, laughing.  "You're such a dork."

"Yeah, I know.  Well, I'm just excited that you're happy, Cas," Gabe said, stabbing at his pancakes.   "And I can't blame you.  The guy's a walking wet dream, huh?"

Cas smiled.  "Yeah.  But he's..."  he sighed.  "I don't know.  He's just a really good guy.  I feel like I should be a lot more nervous than I am around him. I mean, you know how I am with most people!  But he kind of... well, he  _grounds_  me somehow.  Like instant calm.  I can't explain it, but it's nice for a change."

"Fuck, you've got it bad, Cassie," Gabe laughed.  "But I'm happy for you.  So how many times have you hung out now?"

"I don't know... four?  Not counting class and stuff."

"Four?  So have you hit that yet?" Gabe teased.

Cas nearly spit out his drink.  "Jesus, Gabe!"

"Whaaaaat?" he asked innocently.

Cas shook his head, laughing.  "I think I've told you enough.  I am not discussing my sex life with you."

Gabriel sighed dramatically.  "Fine, fine.  I'll take that as a 'no'.  I'm just sayin', if you haven't yet, get your ass in there."

Cas rolled his eyes.  "I have to get dressed," he said.  "He's actually going to be here in a half hour."

"Doesn't he have classes today?"

Cas shook his head.  "No.  And I might blow off my afternoon class..."

Gabe raised an eyebrow at him.  "I swear to God, if your grades start slipping because of this..."

"They won't," Cas promised. "It's just one class, Gabe.  And we're even going to do some studying later."

Gabe nodded. "Studying.  Is that what they call it these days?  Well I'm going to clean up breakfast, then I've got to go do some grocery shopping today.  Remember, sock on the doorknob," he instructed.

Cas just laughed and started gathering up plates.

:::::::::::::::::  
  
The weather was getting chillier and after a few nights out this week, Cas was happy to spend a day curled up in bed watching TV.  He was tucked safely under Dean's arm, breathing in his warm and comforting scent - a mixture of leather and soap and earthy cologne.   Usually when he watched TV with Charlie,  _she_  curled up to  _him,_ so it felt strange, but good.   Every so often, Dean would nuzzle his hair or kiss his forehead and Cas was sure he'd never felt so blissfully content.   
  
They had been chatting in between episodes of Star Trek;  Dean lamenting the fact that Sammy had his first girlfriend and worrying like a mother hen, and Cas reassuring him that everything would be fine.  
  
"Just don't give her the 'hurt my brother and I'll kill you' speech," Cas insisted.  
  
"Aww, come on!  As a big brother and Sammy's legal guardian I am required by law to embarrass the shit out of him with that speech at least once!"  
  
Cas rolled his eyes playfully.  "Freakin' overprotective brothers..."   
  
Cas was feeling frisky and a bit confident for a change, and he was nearly as surprised as Dean when out of nowhere, he began nuzzling at his cheek, then nipping little kisses at his jaw.   
  
"Oh hey," Dean purred. "What's goin' on there?" he chuckled, raising an eyebrow teasingly.   
  
"Don't make me overthink it, just go with it," Cas grinned.   
  
"Well in that case..."  Dean gently raised Cas's chin upward, pulling him in closer with his free hand before brushing their lips together.  Cas smiled softly into the kiss,  and he sighed happily as Dean began teasing at his bottom lip with his teeth.   
  
Dean's hand moved to the back of Cas's neck, fingers ruffling through the short dark hair at the nape, still kissing as he slowly lowered him down onto the bed.   
  
Cas let out an embarrassingly eager moan as Dean pulled back enough to hook a leg over his waist and straddle him before diving back in for a deeper, longer kiss, his tongue prodding against the seam of Cas's lips.  When Cas's lips parted, Dean wasted no time in letting his tongue wander in, gently caressing against Cas's before rolling their tongues around  each other.    
  
Cas was feeling faint with need when Dean lowered himself down, pinning Cas's body beneath his, so he wasn't sure why he suddenly froze. Dean sensed the change in him immediately and pulled back.   
  
"Woah.  Hey.  Sorry.  Too much?" he asked, concerned.   
  
"I... uh... no!  No, I want... fuck," he sighed.    
  
"Cas, what's wrong?  Don't worry about it, no pressure here.  I mean, I wasn't gonna go much further anyway."  
  
"Dean," Cas sighed.  "No, it's fine. I wanted to.  I mean, I still want to. I just... Fuckin' anxiety.  I've always had a problem with people touching me.  Like,  _any_  kind of touching.  Handshake, hug, whatever. I think Gabe and Charlie are the only people I've ever let touch me. And I um.  I want you to.  Really bad.  I don't know why I froze like that.  Just automatic response I guess."  
  
Dean nodded slowly.  "Why didn't you say something?  Shit, I nearly had a death grip on you on the roller coaster, and that was the first time we even hung out alone."  
  
"Well that's the weird thing.  I haven't had a problem with you touching me.  At all.  In fact, I find it really comforting for some reason."  
  
"Alright.  Come back here," he said softly, propping himself back up on his pillows and pulling Cas to his chest. He nuzzled into his hair and kissed his forehead again.  "Just make sure you tell me if I do anything that makes you uncomfortable."  
  
"But," Cas sighed again. "I want you to."  
  
Dean smiled.  "Maybe we need to work up to that.  Lie down for a minute."  
  
Cas squinted at him confusedly, but he lay down as Dean propped a pillow under his head.    
  
"Comfy?"  
  
Cas nodded.   
  
"Good.  Now close your eyes and take a few deep breaths for me."  
  
Cas gave him a skeptical look, but closed his eyes anyway and began deep breathing.   
  
"Now tell me to stop if you need to, okay?  I'm gonna touch you... Not like that," he laughed as Cas snorted.   "Keep your eyes closed.  Don't think about me, just focus on how it feels."  
  
Cas nodded again, and Dean grabbed his hands, spreading his arms wide on the bed.  Dean raised up on his knees and slid his hands up and down his outstretched arms a few times.  "Keep breathin'," he instructed.   
  
Slowly, Dean let his hands wander to Cas's chest, rubbing little circles against his shirt, then splaying his fingers and dragging them down his torso. "Still okay?"  
  
"Mmmhmm," Cas mumbled.   
  
Dean made his way to the end of the bed and picked up Cas's feet.  He let his thumbs knead at his arches, all the way up the ball of his foot to each individual toe.  Cas squirmed and giggled a little, but he still remained fairly calm.      
  
Cas tensed slightly as Dean began to work his way up his shins and Dean paused, just resting his hands there for a minute as Cas continued his deep breathing.  "Remember, tell me to stop if you need to," Dean reminded him.   
  
"'Kay," Cas breathed.    
  
Dean began rubbing at his shins again and when Cas didn't flinch this time, he moved up to his thighs.  As his thumbs massaged at the long, thick muscles,  Cas began whimpering a little, so he paused.  "Cas?"  
  
"I'm fine," he panted.   
  
Dean's hands slid to his inner thighs and Cas jumped.    
  
"Okay, okay,"  Dean said, pulling back.  "God, I'm so stupid, I just figured it out..."  
  
"Dean, please don't stop," Cas begged as his eyes flew open.   
  
"You're scared of the whole uh... being intimate thing, huh?  I mean, I know you said you never let people touch you but my brain didn't register... I mean...  shit, you're a virgin, aren't you?  Like a  _virgin_  virgin."  
  
Cas's face was burning in embarrassment.  He nodded, cringing.   
  
"No, no!  Don't do that.  It's okay.  I just mean... you gotta tell me these things, Cas."  
  
"Dean, please... I want you to... "  Cas grabbed at his hands, pulling him back up until Dean was hovering over him again.  "Just... come here," he rasped, pulling him down on top of him.   
  
Dean was breathing hard, a little worried that Cas was forcing himself  too far, too fast, so he just pressed their foreheads together and closed his eyes as Cas struggled to calm his breathing.  When he felt Cas's arms wrap around him and his body relax, he finally opened his eyes.    
  
"Cas?" he whispered.   
  
Cas smiled shyly just before surging forward to crush their mouths together in a bruising kiss.   
  
"Holy shit," Dean laughed as he pulled back.  "You sure you're okay?"  
  
Cas nodded.  "I just... need to ease into new things... I swear, I'd tell you if something was too much, okay?"  
  
Dean studied him carefully.  "Okay," he said slowly. "I'm trusting you here."  
  
"Promise," Cas said, pressing a few soft kisses to his cheek and jaw.  He let his legs wrap around Dean's, and Dean groaned softly as their hips ground together.  
  
Cas whimpered as he pressed his hips upward again, somewhat surprised at how good a little bit of friction felt.   
  
Dean was watching him with an amused grin on his face. "You like that?"  
  
Cas stared up at him, nodding breathlessly.   
  
"You want me to um..."  
  
"Yes."  
  
Dean laughed.  "I didn't even finish."   
  
"I don't care.  Just do it," he panted.   
  
Dean nodded.  "Can I take your jeans off?  It'll feel better and uh, one less thing to clean up."  
  
"Please," Cas breathed.   
  
Dean pulled away long enough to slide Cas's jeans off, stripping his socks at the same time, then he removed his own.  He fell back on the bed into Cas's waiting arms this time, where they kissed frantically for a few minutes.   
  
With no sign of hesitation from Cas this time, Dean positioned himself between his legs again and smothered him in another kiss before he began gently rocking their hips together.  Cas was painfully hard and just the feeling of his cock next to Dean's had him standing at attention in no time.    
  
"Ohh.  Dean," Cas gasped.   He was already gone, unaware of anything but Dean and the heat and the friction at his groin.  
  
"Feel good?" Dean teased.   
  
" _So_  good."  
  
Dean grinned and fell into a steady rhythm that had Cas writhing and gripping at him desperately.  Cas's moans were getting deeper and more ragged as Dean thrusted against him, and he was, Dean thought, delightfully loud about it.   
  
"Cas," Dean suddenly whispered.  "Can I try something?"  
  
Cas nodded weakly.   
  
"I need to take off your shorts," Dean urged.   
  
"Do it," Cas pleaded.   
  
Quickly, he stripped off Cas's boxers and slid him into his mouth without warning.  Cas moaned ridiculously loud as Dean swallowed around him a few times, then began working his lips up and down the shaft.    
  
With his nonexistent experience, Cas bucked his hips, trying to thrust into the wet heat and Dean gagged for a minute, then laughed, digging his fingers firmly into his hips to still him   
  
Dean swirled his tongue around the head, then dove forward again with more suction, making Cas yelp excitedly.  He was horny as hell, but all he cared about was getting Cas off right now.  Still, he found himself awkwardly humping the mattress as he worked.  His left hand massaged at Cas's balls while his right took turns working his dick with his mouth.    
  
Cas was so overwhelmed tears were streaming down his face. All the new physical sensations and the emotion of it all was hitting him hard, in a good way.  It was all way more intense and way better than he'd imagined.  Dean kept making eye contact with him while his lips were wrapped around his cock and Cas didn't think he would ever be able to erase that image from his mind.  Not that he wanted to.   
  
"Deeean," he moaned.  "I'm..."  
  
"I know," Dean whispered.  "Come for me, Cas," Dean said, just before he slid him back into his mouth and swallowed around him a few more times.    
  
Two seconds later, Cas was a yelping, sobbing mess as he jerked and came hard into Dean's mouth.  Dean pulled back and stroked him a bit as the tiny aftershocks hit him, drawing out as much pleasure as he possibly could until Cas's body went limp on the bed. Immediately, he rushed forward to lock him in a long, sloppy kiss as Cas caressed his face and hair reverently.  
  
"You okay?" Dean grinned, flopping down on the bed next to him.  He pulled him in close to his chest and kissed his forehead, then proceeded to wipe the tears from his face.   
  
"Yeah," Cas laughed and panted at the same time.  "That was...  _wow_."  
  
"Oh my god, you're adorable in the throes of passion, Cas," Dean laughed.  "You're all emotional and grabby and loud...  It's all kinds of hot."  
  
Cas blushed.  "Oh!  Shit.  Sorry, I should take care of you too."  
  
"I'm good," Dean said.   
  
Cas shot him a hurt look and Dean laughed.  "No, really.  I mean, I'm good," he pulled back and grimaced at the wet spot on his shorts.  
  
"Oh!" Cas smiled.   
  
"Sorry about your sheets," he said sheepishly.   
  
"It's fine.  Can we just stay here the rest of the day?" Cas asked, snuggling in closer.    
  
"Anything you want, Cas," Dean rasped sleepily. "You tired?"  
  
Cas nodded.  "Exhausted."  
  
"Let's have a little nap then we'll get up and go to dinner."  
  
"Okay," Cas yawned in agreement.   
  
  
"Hey Cas?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Before I forget, can you make it to my game next weekend?  It's home.  Maybe Charlie can come with you?"  
  
"Yeah.  Sure."  
  
"Thanks," he hummed contentedly as he kissed his forehead again.  "I need my crazy-hot..." he paused, "guy there for support."  
  
Cas squinted at him for a moment, unsure of how to respond to that.  
  
"Are you seeing anyone else, Cas?" Dean suddenly blurted.   
  
"No.  You?"  
  
"No," he smiled.  "Good."  
  
 "Good,"  Cas smiled back.  
  
  



	12. Chapter 12

By the time next weekend rolled around, Cas had almost convinced himself that going to this football game wouldn't be so bad.  It wasn't that he hated football, he just hated the crowds. Charlie went to most of the games anyway, and she agreed to go with him, so he was happy that he didn't have to sit alone.

Charlie arrived early that morning so they could hang out a little before the game.  Since Cas and Dean had been spending so much time together, they hadn't seen each other in almost a week, which was unusual.

"You look ridiculously happy, Cas. How have you been?"  Charlie asked.

"I'm good," Cas said.  "Classes are going well, I haven't had a panic attack in two weeks..."

Charlie grinned.  "That's awesome  And things are going well with Dean I guess?"

"Yeah.  I mean, there's always something new with my damn anxiety but I'm getting there."

"What do you mean?"

Cas shrugged.  "Oh you know... like how I sometimes have problems with people touching me?   That can be kind of weird in a relationship..."

"Aw, sweetie.  Are you doing okay with it?"

"Yeah," he said happily.  "Dean's been awesome about it. He's been so understanding.   It's getting easier though.  One day at a time, you know?"

"Good," Charlie smiled.  "I think I love him already and I've only talked to him like twice.  Well hey, we need to get ready to go.  I brought paint if you want to paint your face!"

Cas laughed.  "Nah, I don't think so."

"C'mon, where's your school spirit?" Charlie exclaimed.

"In my bedroom," he said anxiously.

"What?"

Cas sighed.  "Hold on."  He retreated to his bedroom and when he returned, he was wearing a black and gold football jersey.

Charlie's eyes widened as she grinned.  "Is that what I think it is?  Turn around."

Cas nodded nervously and turned around so she could see the back of the jersey, boldly emblazoned with 'Winchester' and Dean's number eight.

"He asked me to wear his away jersey to the game today," Cas said sheepishly.

Charlie let out a strangled noise somewhere between a squeal and a shriek.  "Oh em gee, you guys are so adorable my head is going to explode!"

Cas just blushed.

"And oh my god, I just realized.  It's going to be a 'coming out' of sorts for him too, huh?"  
  
Cas paused.  "We haven't exactly been hiding our relationship," he said.  "I mean, we tend to do stuff on our own since I'm not a crowd person, but I'm sure people have seen us around.  At least in class and stuff."  
  
Charlie nodded.  "Yeah, but  _I've_  seen you in class.  You're not a big PDA person.  I don't know if people have caught on or not.  Well either way, he's clearly trying to show you off this afternoon," she winked.   
  
"Charlie..." Cas protested bashfully.   
  
She laughed.  "Let me paint my face and we'll head out!"  
  
:::::::::::::  
  
It was a grey, chilly fall day, the kind of day where Cas would have been happy to stay indoors reading a book or watching Netflix.  However, Dean  _wanted_  him here, and that alone was enough to make him brave the cold and the crowds.   
  
He huddled under Charlie's umbrella with her as the rain started, sipping hot cocoa from the concession stand to warm up, but the wind was blowing and they were still cold and soaked.  They were up twenty-one to fourteen with seconds to go when Charlie dragged him down as close as they could get to the field.    
  
"What are we doing?" he asked nervously.   
  
" _You_  are getting close to the field so that you can find your man when they call this game."  
  
"I don't know, Charlie.  I don't feel right about it..."  
  
"Oh relax.  Look, most of those girls over there are players' girlfriends.  They're doing the same thing."  
  
Cas sighed.  "But maybe he doesn't want me to..."  
  
"Cas," Charlie laughed.  "Relax."  
  
The clock wound down with no further points scored.  As the home crowd cheered, a few people made their way down onto the field to congratulate the players, and Charlie gave him a shove.  "Go on!"  
  
Cas looked at her helplessly.   
  
"Fine, I'll come with you," she said, grabbing his arm and pulling him toward the crowd.    
  
Dean was high-fiving and talking to a few teammates as they approached, and Cas hung back anxiously.  When he removed his helmet and saw Cas standing there, however, he quickly excused himself.    
  
"Hey!" he grinned.  "God you're both soaked!   He enveloped Cas in a huge hug and gave him a gentle peck on the lips. "And you're shivering. Jesus, let's get you dried off."    
  
"Well since you found him, I'm gonna take off, okay Cas?" Charlie winked.    
  
"You sure?  You could come get some dinner with us."  
  
"We definitely need to one of these days, but today I'll take a raincheck.   You go have fun.  I just saw Bela Talbot crying over there and she looks like she could use some comforting," she waggled an eyebrow suggestively.  
  
"You're terrible," Cas laughed.  "And isn't Bela straight?"  
  
"Oh Bela and I have been flirting for  _weeks_.  She's at  _least_  bi-curious."  
  
Dean shook his head in amusement.  "Another time then," he laughed.   He slipped an arm around Cas's shoulders and lead him back to the locker room.   
  
"Aren't  _you_  freezing?" Cas asked.   
  
"Honestly?  I'm sweating to death," Dean laughed.  "But let's get you drier at least."  He set his helmet on the bench and grabbed a thick white towel from the pile, scrubbing it at Cas's soaking wet hair before working it down his face and arms.    
  
"There's an extra set of clothes in my locker.  I mean, it's just an old tee and sweats but it'd be warmer anyway," Dean offered.    
  
Cas was feeling a little self-conscious about being the only stranger in the locker room, but also because a few of his teammates kept glancing over at them curiously.   
  
"I um... I don't know. I hate locker rooms," he stuttered.   
  
"Oh.  Right.  There's a bathroom stall just around the corner," Dean said, shoving the folded-up clothes and the towel at him.    
  
Cas smiled gratefully and stepped away to change.  As a last minute thought, he shook out the wet jersey and put it back on over his warm, dry tee.  As he returned, Dean seemed to be talking to two teammates, so Cas hung back a little.  
  
"You're gay, Winchester?" Cole asked, surprised.  
  
"Bisexual, actually," Dean said matter-of-factly.   
  
Cole squinted his eyes, scrutinizing him.  "I've never seen you with a guy."  
  
"Well you have now. Is there a problem?" Dean asked, suddenly looking a bit threatening.    
  
"No..." Cole said, putting up his hands in surrender.  "No, not at all."  
  
Dean rolled his eyes as Cole walked away.    
  
"Good for you, man," Benny Lafitte clapped his shoulder. "You need anything, I got your back, okay?"  
  
"Thanks, bro," Dean nodded appreciatively and fist-bumped him.    
  
"Everything okay?" Cas asked as he finally approached.    
  
"Yeah," Dean grinned.  "Everything is awesome. You're here. You're wearing my clothes and my jersey and all I can think about is doing dirty, dirty things to you right here and now on this bench."  
  
Cas felt his face redden. "I uh... wow," he squeaked.   
  
"Sorry," Dean laughed.  "Just bein' honest.  Well, I have some bad news.  Sam's around somewhere, and I've got to take him and his girlfriend home at least before we can do anything today."  
  
"That's fine," Cas said.   
  
"So you're ready to meet the fam?" Dean teased.   
  
"I think I'll manage."  
  
Dean pulled him down and kissed him on the forehead.  "I've gotta go shower first.   You gonna wait here or in the car for me?"  
  
Cas glanced around at the straggling players in various stages of undress and felt himself getting embarrassed all over again.    
  
"I think I'll wait in the car."  
  
Dean nodded and dug his keys out of his locker.  "I'll just be a few minutes," he promised with a soft kiss to his lips.   
  



	13. Chapter 13

 

 

Sam squirmed anxiously in the backseat of the Impala.  His girlfriend, Ruby had been trying to hold his hand but Sam was clearly not the type for public displays of affection.  Cas smiled fondly as he glimpsed at him in the mirror, thinking that could very well be him at his age.  Or hell, even a few months ago.  It was a slow process, but he'd been getting better with touch and little PDAs.   Even before he'd met Dean, he'd been making progress, trying new things, doing little things that scared him. He may have clung to Charlie like a lifeline, but he did it.  Sometimes.    With a little therapy and the right meds, he was determined to dig himself out from behind his self-imposed walls.

The car stopped in front of Ruby's house and Sam walked her to the door.   Cas and Dean pretended not to watch as Sam went in for an awkward kiss and Dean sighed.  "She's gonna break his heart.  I can just tell."

Cas smiled sadly.  "Maybe.  But you have to let him find his own way.  Just be there for him when she does."

Dean nodded and gave Cas's hand a squeeze.

Sam returned to the car, red-faced.  He tried not to make eye contact with either of them as he slid into the seat and put his head down.

"So anyway, this is Cas," Dean said, intending to expand on the quickie intro he'd given when Ruby got in the car.

Sam nodded sullenly.  "You taking me home?"

"Sorry," Dean said softly towards Cas.  "He and I usually go to dinner Saturday nights, so he's a little mopey."

"Well why doesn't he come with us?"

"Really?"

Cas shrugged.  "Wanna come to dinner with us, Sam?"

"Can I?"  Sam's big green eyes were shining and hopeful as he looked at Dean in the rear-view mirror.

"Yeah," Dean smiled.  "Sure, Sammy."

"It's  _Sam_ ," he sighed.  "I'm not a baby, Dean."

"Alright, alright.   _Sam_.  Anyway, Cas here is..."

Sam interrupted, "So is this the guy you've been moaning about in your sleep lately?"

"What the hell, Sam?" Dean sputtered.

"You're not gonna make out at dinner, are you?  I can't eat if I see people making out. It makes me feel sick."

"Sam!" Dean warned.

"Just asking."

Dean took a deep breath and glanced over at Cas, who was trying hard not to laugh.    "I told you.   _Way_  worse."

There were mostly just chain restaurants around campus, and Cas asked Sam to decide where they should eat.  Sam had chosen the Olive Garden, endearingly calling it 'pretty fancy' for Cas and Dean's 'date'.

Once the food was ordered, Cas excused himself to use the restroom.  He had a feeling Sam had been itching to ask Dean something, so he figured he'd use the minute to text Charlie and see how her night with Bela was going.

He wasn't completely paying attention to where he was going when a strong arm hooked around his elbow.  "Cassie!  Don't you look adorable in your little football jersey.  Do you play?" Balthazar was grinning like the Cheshire Cat.

"No," Cas grumbled, yanking his arm back. He tried to push forward but Balthazar blocked his path.

"I've yet to see this boyfriend of yours, Cas.  I'm starting to think you just made him up just to blow me off."  He cupped the side of Cas's face and Cas gritted his teeth, shoving his hand away.

"Don't touch me."

"My goodness," he drawled.  "So jumpy. We have to work on getting that stick out of your ass.  Come here, let's sit down and talk for a bit. I think we got off on the wrong foot."  He slipped his arm around Cas's waist and tried to guide him over to his table.

"I said don't fucking touch me!" Cas yelled as he yanked Balthazar's arm away.

"Get your fucking hands off of him," a voice suddenly growled.

Balthazar's eyes widened a bit and he took a step back. "Okay, okay.  Geez, no need to get pissy, I was just asking him to talk."

"If you ever touch him again without his permission... hell, if you ever touch  _anyone_  who tells you not to, I swear to God I will find you and..."

"Fine, fine!" Balthazar yelled.  "He's hardly worth my time anyway, the boring little bastard.  Fucking tease."  He spun on his heel and stormed away.

Dean clenched his jaw along with his fists and Sam grabbed an arm and started pulling him back.  Sam's touch snapped him out of it and he protectively put an arm around Cas, walking him back to their table.

Cas was suddenly having a hard time breathing, the familiar pain in his chest was getting stronger and his heart was starting to race.  He slumped down into the booth and rested his head on Dean's shoulder.

_Shit_ , he thought. He hadn't had an attack in a few weeks, and he'd never had one in front of Dean. It was something he'd been hoping to avoid.   Sam was staring at him like he was scared shitless... and oh god, he was fucking  _crying_.  He sat up for a second, panting harder now as he reached into his pocket and popped open his key chain pill bottle.  He swallowed his pill with a borrowed sip of Dean's Pepsi, then wiped at his watery eyes with his napkin.  He felt so fucking stupid right now, he wished he could just curl up in a ball and disappear.

"Come here," Dean whispered, pulling him in close and carding his fingers through the back of Cas's hair.  Cas buried his face in Dean's neck, letting the tears fall harder now as he gasped for air.

"Cas, I need you to focus on your breathing for me now, okay?" Dean's voice said calmly.

Cas nodded.

"Breathe in through your nose," he paused.  "Good. Now out through your mouth.  In through your nose... out through your mouth.  Keep going. In... out.  In... out."  He rubbed soothing little circles into Cas's back as he sniffled.  "You're doing good, sweetheart."

A few minutes later, Cas finally pulled back, wiping at his eyes.  "I feel so stupid," he muttered.

"Well don't," Dean said, dabbing at  Cas's sweaty forehead with an extra napkin.  "It happens.  I swear if he ever touches you again..." he shook his head angrily.

Cas sighed.  "Sorry, Sam.  Great first impression, huh?" he said wryly.

Sam gave him a sad little smile.  "I get panic attacks too," he nodded knowingly.  "And don't worry about him.  That guy was a fucking dick!"

"Sam!" Dean admonished.

"Well he was!"

"Well," Dean said as he kissed Cas's forehead, "You're not wrong.  But watch your mouth.  What do you guys say we ask for our food to go?  We'll go home and watch a movie or something."

Sam shrugged.  "Fine with me.  Can we have a Star Wars marathon?"

"S'up to Cas.  He's our guest.  And only if you get a jump on your homework first."

Cas nodded.  "Yeah.  Star Wars and dinner at home sounds good. But only if we watch the originals," he said with a weak laugh.

Sam smiled.  "Duhhh."

With their food long gone, Dean and Cas curled up on the couch, while Sam stretched his lanky body across the floor, propping a pillow under his head to watch the movie.

Despite his initial excitement, Sam only made it halfway through the second movie before he fell asleep, snoring loudly into his pillow.

"I should get him to bed," Dean sighed.  "Otherwise we'll never be able to hear the TV.  Come on, Sammy," he said as he got up and shook his shoulder.   "Go to bed," he said as Sam mumbled and swatted at him.  "You're snoring like a freight train."   He helped him to his feet and walked him to his bedroom before shutting out the light and closing the door.

"So this is my life, Cas," Dean said, slumping back down next to him and giving him a droll smile.  "Dinner, homework, dealing with high school drama, putting my little brother to bed.  Pretty exciting, huh?"

Cas smiled warmly.  "Reminds me of my brother and I, actually.  Sam's lucky to have you."  
  
"It's mutual...  I love the little bastard, even if he's a huge pain in my ass sometimes."

"That's how I feel about Gabe too," Cas said, snuggling into him.  "Thanks for calming me down earlier.  I hate panic attacks.  I was feeling pretty awful.  And what he said pissed me off too."

"Yeah.  I'm glad Sam grabbed me when he did. I was seeing red, Cas."

"Well you snapped out of it thankfully.  He's not worth the effort."

Dean nodded. "I suppose," he said, nuzzling at Cas's forehead.

"What is it about you that's so comforting to me, Dean?"  Cas sighed.  "Even before I knew you well, you just made me feel so... relaxed.  I've never had that happen with anyone," he admitted softly. "It scared me at first."

"Aww.  I don't know, but I'm glad, Cas."

"So Sam has panic attacks too?"

"Yeah.  Remember I told you he has some serious anxiety issues?  He's always been a nervous kid, but after dad passed it got a million times worse. For months, he had awful separation anxiety.  He'd freak out every time I left the house like he thought I was never going to come back.  One night we were fighting over something stupid and I walked away from him... I literally just went into the next room and he had a total meltdown, thinking I was going to leave him.  It was awful.  Anyway, he's doing  _much_  better than he was a year ago, but he still fights with depression, anxiety and occasional panic attacks."  
  
"Geez.  Poor kid. And poor you.  It's not easy living with someone with these issues either.  I don't know how my brother does it."  
  
Dean shrugged.  "Because he loves you.  It's not always easy, but it's always worth it."  
  
Cas hummed appreciatively.  "You're pretty awesome, you know."  
  
"So are you," Dean smiled.    
  
"So... now that Sam's asleep and we're no longer at dinner, can we make out?  I mean, I don't want anyone to get sick..."  Cas teased.   
  
"God, that kid," Dean laughed.  "And yes.  We definitely can," he said as he gently pushed Cas down onto the couch. 


	14. Chapter 14

"What do you _mean_ you haven't slept with him yet?" Charlie exclaimed. "How long have you guys been together?  A few months anyway, right?"

Cas grimaced. "About three months?  I know, I know.  I'm a little slow."

"But... don't you  _want_  to?"

"Of course I  _want_  to," Cas insisted.  "It's just not easy for me, you know?  I guess I have this weird intimacy issue.  I mean, we've fooled around, we just haven't done  _that_.  And sometimes when we fool around it takes me a few minutes to relax and... god, this is embarrassing.  Why am I telling you this?"

Charlie ignored the question and continued.  "And he hasn't, you know, tried?"

"He hasn't really.  I almost wish he would."

Charlie laughed softly.  "Maybe you need to initiate something if you're ready.  He seems like a pretty patient guy.  Maybe he's afraid he'll scare you or something."

"I know," Cas sighed.  "I'm sure that's the case.  I love him, but sometimes I think he's afraid he'll break me."

"Wait, you what?"

"I think he's afraid he'll break me."

"No, no. Before that."

Cas rewound his conversation in his head.  "Oh.  Shit."

Charlie laughed.  "Do you?"

After a few moments of reflective silence, he finally responded. "Yeah.  I think I do."

"Awww.  Well fuck, get on that, Cas!  Or get him on you.  Whatever!"

"Oh it'll happen eventually..."

Charlie just laughed. "Alright, I'll quit bugging you.  Are you almost ready to go?"

Cas spritzed himself with a little cologne and nodded.  "I'm so damn nervous," he admitted.

"What's to be nervous about?"  Charlie asked.  "It's just us, Dean, Sam, and Gabe."

"I don't know.  Just having all the people I love in one room stresses me out a little.  What if you all hate each other?  I don't know if I can deal with that."

Charlie smiled.  "Cas, sweetie.  Take a deep breath.  Everything is going to be fine," she said, crossing the room to envelop him in her arms.  "I don't even know him that well and I adore him for being so good to you.  And it was really sweet of him to invite us to Thanksgiving dinner."

Cas nodded, burying his nose in her hair.  "Okay," he took a deep breath.  "Let's go."

As they approached Charlie's car, she suddenly turned and tossed him the keys.

"W...what?"

"You don't have to, but I thought you might want to test out that new driver's permit..." Charlie grinned.

Cas flushed a little, but climbed into the driver's seat next to Charlie.  Dean had been teaching him to drive, in the Impala no less, so he was pretty sure he could handle an automatic after driving a stick shift.

Gabriel greeted them as they pulled into Dean's driveway.  He'd come straight from work and was sitting in his car waiting when they arrived.  "Cassie, you drove?" he asked as Cas stepped out of the car.

"Yeah," Cas nodded shyly. "Dean thinks I'm ready to test now, but I have to log more road time yet."

Gabe grinned.  "Well if you were ever home, I'd take you out to practice some more, you know.  Guess Dean's taking my place here."

"No one could take your place, you big dork," Cas said, giving him an affectionate punch on the arm.  "Now come on."  Cas strode to the door with Charlie and Gabe in tow and knocked once before entering.

Dean swiftly greeted him at the door with an embrace and a tender kiss.  "Hey, sweetheart."

As Cas blushed, Dean welcomed Charlie and Gabriel with handshakes and hugs.   He steered them all into the dining room where they crowded around the table and Dean offered them drinks. 

"Charlie, Gabe, this is Sam," Cas motioned.  "Sam, Gabe and Charlie," he pointed.

"Hi," Sam said shyly, before turning his attention away.  "Hey Cas, after dinner will you help me with my math homework again?  I'm still not sure I understand it."

"Yeah.  Later tonight when our guests leave, okay?"

Sam nodded gratefully.  
  
Gabriel had sat next to Charlie, casually slinging an arm over the back of her chair.  "Thanks for the invite, Dean.  It'll be nice to get to know the guy who's stolen my little brother away," he teased.   
  
"Oh god, no," Dean fumbled.  "I didn't mean to... Uh..."  
  
"Relax, I'm joking!" Gabriel said, clapping him on the arm.  "As long as you're good to him, I'm alright with it."  
  
"I try," Dean said, his face flushing.    
  
"How did you guys meet anyway?" Gabe asked.   
  
Cas nearly choked on the water he had just sipped.  He coughed and sputtered for a minute as Dean took his glass away and rubbed his back.  "Uh..." Cas mumbled weakly.   
  
"At a club," Dean interrupted.  "We met at Euphoria a few months back."  
  
"Hmmph," Gabe mused. "With Cassie being so shy, I can't even imagine him meeting a guy at a club.  You must have made the first move, huh?"  
  
Dean bit his lip to keep from laughing.  "I think he made a move on me first.  He was surprisingly bold that night."    
  
Cas suddenly couldn't make eye contact with Charlie because she had a hand clamped over her mouth, trembling with silent laughter.   
  
"Yeah?  Good for you, Cas," Gabe nodded approvingly.    
  
"Excuse me for a minute, I need to check on dinner," Dean said as he turned and headed back to the kitchen. 

"And I'm just going to see if Dean needs help in the kitchen," Cas said, quickly following him. 

Once away from the crowd, Cas dove into Dean's arms again.  "Why am I so nervous?" he sighed.

"I don't know," Dean smiled as he finger-combed through Cas's messy hair. "I promise you everything is going to be fine."

Cas nodded and pulled away.  "Okay, what can I help with?"

"Nothing really," Dean said.  "Everything's just about done.  I just need to mash the potatoes and finish the gravy.  Go visit.  I have it all under control," he said as he turned back to the stove.

"You sure?"

"Shit!" Dean suddenly yelled.

"What?"

"Lumpy gravy," he grimaced.  " _So_  close to having a perfect dinner."

"I'm sure it'll be fine," Cas laughed.  "No one will mind."

"I suppose," Dean sighed.  "Oh well.  Go visit, Cas.  I'll start bringing stuff out in a few minutes."

Cas had barely made it back into the dining room when he nearly collided with Gabe.

"Oh hey," Gabriel said.  "I was just coming to see what the yelling was about."

"Oh.  Just lumpy gravy," Cas laughed.

"Just lumpy?  I can fix that, no prob..." Gabe trailed off as he made his way into the kitchen.

Cas slumped down in the chair next to Sam.  "How you doin' in here?" he asked, ruffling his hair.

Sam shrugged.  "Okay I guess," he said as he glanced at Charlie and blushed.

The door to the kitchen opened abruptly and Gabriel came strolling out, holding up the gravy boat victoriously as Dean shook his head and laughed.  Within minutes, the two of them had filled the table with heaping plates of turkey, mashed potatoes, vegetables, stuffing, cranberry relish, and pumpkin pies.

Dinner was filled with lively conversation as Dean and Gabe traded cooking secrets and promised to exchange recipes.  Charlie had caught on to the fact that Sam had a little crush on her and spent some time coaxing him out of his shell, asking him about school and discussing their favorite books.  Cas just sat there quietly with Dean's hand on his knee, listening to the cheerful banter going on around him and thinking that he hadn't felt this relaxed in a long time.

After cleaning up the dishes and watching the first Christmas movie of the season on TV, Gabe and Charlie said their goodbyes, hugging each of them before they left for the evening.  Sam decided he was too tired to do his homework, and promised he'd work on it with Cas in the morning.

"I told you everything would be fine," Dean said softly as Cas sunk down into the couch next to him.  He put an arm around him and Cas smiled blissfully as he snuggled into Dean's chest.

"It was perfect," Cas sighed.  "Dinner was perfect,  _you_  were perfect.  Just...  _everything_.  Thank you, Dean."

Dean hummed happily.  "I'm glad you had fun.  I guess we should start planning for Christmas dinner here, huh?"  
  
Cas bit his lip and smiled shyly.  "If you want to."  
  
"I do," he said as his lips gently brushed Cas's forehead.  "I don't know about you, but I'm exhausted.  Wanna come lie down with me?"  
  
Cas nodded, and Dean led him to his bedroom where he climbed into Dean's bed like he owned it.  He'd been spending the night here a lot lately and things were becoming comfortably familiar to him.  With Dean spooned behind him, kissing at the back of his neck, Cas moaned just a little too loudly.    
  
"God, Dean.  How do you put up with me?"   
  
"What are you talking about?" Dean asked .  
  
"All of my issues.  How the hell do you do it?"  
  
Dean shrugged.  "You're not that difficult, Cas.  So you're a little anxious sometimes," he said as he nibbled at his earlobe.  "You know, you've made huge progress just in the short time I've known you. You are smart and funny and determined... kind and humble... You are so much stronger than you give yourself credit for.  You're easy to 'put up with'."  
  
Cas rolled over to smile at him.  "Thank you.  I don't know that I agree with you, but thanks."  
  
"And stubborn.  I forgot to add that to the list," Dean teased.  "I love you, you insecure bastard."  
  
Cas grinned and pushed forward, knocking Dean backwards as he pinned his wrists above his head.  Roughly, he straddled his waist and kissed him hard and full on the lips. Dean growled happily and pushed back, lapping into Cas's mouth like he couldn't get enough.   
  
"Dean," Cas whispered.  "I want you to take me."


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I know! That was cruel of me to leave you hanging there. Maybe a long, awkward first-time and a fluffy ending will make it up to you?

"What?  You mean like...?"  Dean stuttered.

"Please, Dean,"

Dean's face was already flushed with  _want_ , and he made a strangled noise in his throat as Cas shoved their hips together.  "Are you sure?" he rasped.

Cas nodded breathlessly.  " _So_  sure."

"Oh god, Cas... yeah, let's... yeah."  Dean was having trouble forming a complete sentence, but luckily his mouth was suddenly occupied with Cas's tongue.

Before Dean could even blink, Cas's hands were pawing at his shirt, yanking it up over his head before he shoved back down for another kiss.  Dean took that opportunity to do the same to Cas, tossing his shirt aside as Cas worked at the button of his jeans.

"Cas, wait," Dean panted.  "I... don't know why but I'm suddenly feeling a whole lot of pressure here."

Cas backed off a bit,  eyes wide and panicked.  "W...what?  I'm sorry, I..."

"No!  No, Cas, I'm um.  God, why am I so nervous about this?  I've never been nervous about sex in my life.  I just... I've never been anyone's first before and I... well shit, I'm kinda bigger than average and  I don't want you to resent me if it hurts and..."

Cas stared at him intently. "Are you actually more anxious than I am right now?"  he questioned.  "Anxiety is kind of  _my_  thing."

Dean wiped a hand over his face, clearly flustered.  "I don't know what's wrong with me," he sighed.  "You have no idea how long I've wanted to..."

"Dean," Cas interrupted, kissing him again to shush him.  "You know what you're really good at?"

"What?" he asked, confused.

"Taking care of me. Comforting me.  Helping me through new things.  I  _want_  to do this with you, Dean,"  Cas said.  "Can you take care of me?" he whispered in his ear.

Dean took a deep breath and nodded.  "Yeah.  Yeah, I can do that."

Cas smiled as Dean flipped him onto his back.

"Tonight's gonna be all about you, okay?" Dean said softly.  "And if you change your mind, you tell me, alright?"  Cas nodded and watched breathlessly as Dean removed their remaining clothing.

Dean planted his knees between Cas's legs and leaned in, kissing him hungrily before sucking and biting little kisses down his neck and across his chest.  He added some tiny licks as he worked his way down Cas's hips, leaving little love bites along the way. His hands caressed Cas's chest as he moved further down, giving his cock a few firm licks and then kissing his way down his thighs.

"Dean I... I'm not gonna last long if you keep teasing me. Please," Cas begged.

"Okay," Dean panted.  He crawled over to the edge of the bed to reach the nightstand drawer, pulling out a small bottle of lube and a condom, then lay on his side next to Cas.  "Alright, sweetheart," he whispered in between kissing his neck and shoulder.  "Have you had uh...  _anything_  there?"

Cas shook his head 'no'.

"Shit," Dean muttered, as he reached down to stroke him.  Cas moaned and arched into his hand immediately. "I'm not gonna lie, Cas.  It's probably gonna hurt.  If you still wanna do it, I promise we'll go slow and..."

"I...I know," Cas stuttered.  "Please, Dean.  Just..." Cas rolled over onto his stomach and shoved up on his knees, giving Dean a spectacular view of his ass.

"Ooookay," Dean said breathlessly.  "That answers my next question."  Dean wasted no time putting the condom on and drizzling some lube into his hand.  He spread Cas's cheeks apart and smeared the lube around, rubbing gently at his entrance as Cas gasped.   He massaged at the now-twitching muscles until they gave way and his finger sunk in about halfway.  Cas yelped and grunted as he pushed the rest of the way in.

"You okay?" Dean whispered, planting some soft kisses to Cas's back and shoulders.

Cas nodded stiffly, and Dean gently worked him open.  When the second finger slid into him, Cas cried out, screwing his eyes shut and desperately gripping the edge of the mattress.  "Dean," he cried weakly.

"Cas, you'll tell me if you want to stop, right?" Dean said, pausing.

Cas nodded. "Don't.  I want to.  Just... go slow."

"I know, baby.  I know it's uncomfortable now, but it does get better.  Take a deep breath for me.  Try to relax into it. The more you clench, the more it's gonna hurt."

"I... can't help it," Cas panted.

"Okay," Dean said, pressing a line of kisses up his spine.  "Look at me, sweetheart."  He met Cas's trembling lips in a soft kiss.  "Breathe.  Push just a little."

Cas took a deep breath and managed to relax ever so slightly.

Dean thrusted his fingers in and out of him a few times, spreading them slightly to stretch him, then slipped a third in.

Cas growled into his pillow.   "Dean!" he exclaimed.  "I... I don't think I can..."

Dean's finger suddenly crooked inside him, prodding for the perfect spot to rub against.

Cas twitched and looked at him strangely, but a moment later his mouth gaped open.  "Oh," he breathed in surprise.  "Keep... keep doing that."

Dean grinned and returned to sucking little red marks into his neck and shoulders as he worked.  "Feeling any better?" he whispered.

Cas nodded.  "Y...yes.  I mean, it's still uncomfortable but it doesn't hurt so much anymore.  And that... thing you're doing is... oh god," he moaned.

"If you still want to, just tell me when you think you're ready."  Dean was straining hard to keep himself in check. He'd never waited this long to have sex with anyone in his life and now that he was so close, it was painfully difficult to control himself.  But this was  _Cas_.   Cas, who was nervous to begin with.  Cas, who had never done this before.  Cas, who he'd spent every possible moment with over the last few months.  Cas, who he was falling in love with.  Cas trusted him wholeheartedly, and he owed it to him to make his first time as good as possible.

"Please Dean," Cas rasped. "Now."

Dean took a deep breath to calm himself as he pulled his hand away.  "Okay.  But I want to see you," he whispered, rolling Cas over onto his back.  He paused for a moment when he saw Cas's tear-streaked face, wanting nothing more than to just scoop him up in his arms and comfort him the way he always did when something hurt or scared him.  But judging from the look of desire on Cas's face, he was clearly not interested in that right now.

Instead, Dean kissed him, knotting a hand in his hair as Cas crushed his mouth forward. He'd never seen Cas so frenzied, so absolutely aching with need.  His hands were everywhere, legs wrapped around Dean's body, and holy shit, he was absolutely tongue-fucking his mouth like he owned it.

Finally unable to hold back any longer, Dean let loose a deep, throaty growl as he returned the pressure with his mouth.  He couldn't ignore Cas's cock digging into his hip anymore either, and he reached between them to stroke it.

"N...no," Cas stuttered.  "Not yet... Dean, I'm way too wound up right now... Please," he begged.

Dean nodded and pulled back, locating the lube again and smearing some on his cock, and spreading Cas's legs to apply a generous amount there as well.  "So," Dean said breathlessly.  "I think you should ride me."

"What?" Cas fumbled.  "Dean, I..."

"Shhh.  I want you on top so you can control this, okay?  That way you can take it however deep you want."

"Dean, I have no idea what I'm doing..."

Dean smiled.  "Oh I'll still be taking care of you, don't worry.  Come on, gorgeous," he said, rolling onto his back and coaxing Cas on top of him.

Tentatively, Cas perched over his thick, twitching, rubber-sheathed cock and Dean reached between them to line himself up. It slipped right past on the first two attempts, but caught against Cas's hole on the third try and Cas suddenly had the feeling there was no fucking way  _that_  was going to fit.

Dean watched intently as Cas began to sink down onto his cock, his eyes widening at first, and then squeezing shut as his jaw silently dropped.  His hands rested on Dean's chest as he pushed down further, and he groaned loud enough to wake the neighbors as he managed to take him all in one downward thrust.

"Oh god.  Dean.  Fuck.  Ow," Cas's eyes were watering again and Dean was fighting the urge to thrust up into him.  It had been a while since he'd been with a guy, at least since before he moved to this town, but he was certain he'd never felt anything so amazingly hot and tight clamped down around his dick.

Cas tried to start moving, but he groaned again.

"Don't move," Dean whispered.  "Just let yourself get used to it.  Ease up if you need to."

Trembling, Cas lay his head on Dean's chest and Dean wrapped his arms around him, peppering his forehead with kisses.

"You are so amazing, Cas," Dean whispered.

"Dean... I..."  Cas was whimpering as the tears streamed down his face now.   "I love you too, by the way," he gasped.  "And you're... fucking huge."

Dean bit back a grin. "I'm sorry, sweetheart.  You're doing so well though.  We can reverse things if you'd like.  I'm not usually on that end of things but..."

"No!" Cas exclaimed.  "I... I mean, no. It's... uncomfortable and yet I don't want it to ever go away.  But Dean... Can you uh... take over?" he panted.

"Would that make you more comfortable?"

"Uh huh."

"Are you ready to move?"

Cas nodded. "Slowly," he added.

Dean sighed in relief.  He couldn't take being buried balls deep in Castiel Novak much longer without losing his resolve completely.  Gently, he began thrusting upward, watching Cas's reaction as it slowly went from 'uncomfortable' to 'awed' in a matter of minutes.  He raised his head and dug his fists into the blankets next to Dean's pillow.

"Better?" Dean grunted.

"A little.  Ohh  _yesss_ ," Cas moaned as Dean found a slow, easy rhythm that rubbed just right against his prostate.  

Dean's  hands wandered down to the small of Cas's back, rubbing and caressing before clamping down on his ass, still fighting the urge to slam up into him. 

Cas's lips were all over him, licking and biting and sucking at his neck, shoulders, collarbone, before wandering back up to meet with Dean's.  
  
"Cas," Dean whispered, nipping at his jaw, "Up on your knees for me."    
  
Cas nodded and sat up, groaning at the sudden change of angle. Dean continued thrusting as Cas threw his head back, moaning and feeling wildly vulnerable in this position.   
  
"You're so fucking gorgeous, Cas," Dean breathed as he ran his hands up Cas's thighs, settling them at his hips.  Cas may have had an unassuming stature when he was clothed, but underneath he had the slim, tight body of a swimmer or a runner.    Dean was mesmerized by the flexing of muscle each time Cas writhed on top of him.   "Touch yourself for me, sweetheart.  Wanna watch you," he  whispered.   
  
Usually Cas would have been anxious to be so brazen, but he was so immersed in all the new feelings and sensations, he reached down and began stroking himself fast and hard.    
  
Dean bit his lip and groaned as he watched him, cheeks flushed red, panting breathlessly, completely relaxed and giving in to the pleasure.  When he suddenly took the reins and started thrusting himself down on Dean's cock, Dean grinned and let him fuck himself silly.   
  
"Oh  _fuck_ ," Dean groaned.  "Look at you, all confident and sexy and fucking me like a champ," he teased.   
  
Cas laughed weakly. "D...Dean.  I'm gonna come," he said as his movements became more erratic and jerky.   
  
"Good," Dean suddenly coaxed Cas's hand out of the way and replaced it with his own, stroking him in time with Cas's hip movement.   
  
"Ohhhh.  Deeean," he whimpered just before he began to come.   
  
"That's it, sweetheart.  Mmmm.  All over me.  Come on," Dean moaned.     
  
Cas's body spasmed and he fell forward as he whined and spurted all over Dean's chest and stomach.   Dean laughed and nipped at Cas's face, kissing and tugging at his lip playfully.   "Better?"  
  
Cas nodded helplessly, still unable to speak as he panted hard.  He managed a weak laugh and a smile as Dean kissed at him, just before rolling him off and onto his side.    
  
After applying a bit more lube, Dean spooned in behind him, sliding himself back in easily. He wrapped his arms tightly around Cas and began thrusting again, harder and faster this time.  The angle allowed him to get the speed and friction he wanted without slamming into Cas too deeply.  
  
"Fuck, Dean, holy shit," Cas moaned.  For a moment he kind of wished he hadn't just come because seeing Dean suddenly lose control was all kinds of hot.   
  
"Ohhhh Cas," Dean moaned.  "God, you feel so good," he rasped against Cas's ear and mouthed at his neck euphorically as he slammed into him harder.    
  
Cas reached back and knotted a hand in Dean's hair and tilted his neck back so Dean could get a better angle. He was definitely going to have some bruises in the morning with the way Dean was sucking and nibbling at him.   
  
Dean's hips stuttered and he cried out suddenly as the familiar wave of heat tore through his abdomen.   
  
"Fuck, fuck, oh fuck, shit, Cas, fuck, sweetheart," Dean moaned as his orgasm ripped through him.  His arms tightened and he bit down on Cas's shoulder as he thrusted a few final times before he suddenly collapsed motionless on the bed.  He was laughing and panting as Cas rolled over to kiss him.    
  
"Hey," Dean grinned as they pulled back from their kiss.  "You okay?"  
  
Cas smiled and put his head on Dean's shoulder, curling in to snuggle.  "Yeah.  I mean, I'm going to be  _so_  fucking sore in the morning, but right now I don't care."  
  
Dean laughed.  "Well on the bright side, we don't have class tomorrow so you can spend the day in bed if you want. I'll wait on you hand and foot," he promised, kissing Cas's sweaty forehead. He quickly removed his condom and tossed it into the nearby wastecan.  
  
"That was..."  Cas paused.  "Scary and painful and emotional and... and just amazing," he sighed.  
  
Dean paused.  "Is that good or bad?" he asked, panicked.   
  
"Good," Cas assured him. "I'd like to do it again, if that's what you mean," he laughed.  "It was just a whole lot of feelings and emotions and overwhelming... physical sensations.  I didn't know it could feel that good. I didn't know I could  _need_  someone so badly.  I didn't know I could come that hard," he grimaced.    
  
Dean grinned.  "Speaking of which, I should probably grab us a towel before we're shellacked together. Be right back."  Dean disappeared into the bathroom where he cleaned himself up, then returned with a warm, wet washcloth, a glass of water, and some Tylenol.  "Take this," he commanded as he gently wiped every inch of him clean.  
  
Dean lay back down and stroked his fingers through Cas's messy bedhead and for awhile, they lay there in silence, just basking in the afterglow and enjoying each other's warmth.  "I have a game in Springfield this weekend.  You coming?" he finally said.  
  
"Of course," Cas said sleepily.  "Maybe I'll bring Gabe.  I feel bad that I haven't been around much lately.  And Sam, if he wants to go, of course.  Maybe Charlie too.  And we can all go out to dinner afterwards or something.  Plus I won't have to take the bus if Gabe or Charlie goes," he laughed.  
  
"That sounds great.  You'll be driving yourself soon.  We should start looking for a car for you.  I know someone selling a '71 Cuda that would be  _perfect_  for you. Needs a little work, but we could fix it up together."  
  
"I don't know the first thing about fixing cars, Dean."  
  
"So I'll teach you."  
  
Cas grinned.  "That would be awesome."  
  
Dean snuggled into him tighter and as he did, he suddenly burst out laughing. "I can't believe all of this started because I stuck my dick in a random hole."  
  
Cas simpered and blushed. "I can't believe I sucked a random dick in a hole," he covered half his face in embarrassment.   
  
"For what it's worth, it seems to have worked out well for the both of us," Dean said as he nuzzled Cas's hair.   
  
"Yeah," Cas sighed happily.   "Shit, I hope I didn't wake up Sam..." he suddenly blurted.   
  
"Oh I'm sure we did.  He'll give us shit for it in the morning, don't worry," Dean smiled.   
  
"If he's not busy being sick," Cas joked, and Dean locked him a long, playful kiss.   
  
"Fuck, Cas," Dean sighed as he crashed back down on the bed. "You know, when you took control earlier, it was the hottest fucking thing I've ever seen in my life."  
  
Cas blushed. "You make me braver, Dean.  I feel like I can do anything with you around."  
  
"Even tackle that roller coaster again?" Dean teased.  "Because I told Sammy we'd go for his birthday next week."   
  
Cas laughed.  "I guess we'll find out."  He snuggled deeper into Dean's chest and sighed. "I love you, Dean."  
  
"I love you too, Cas."


End file.
